I was checking my blog stats (and isn’t there something really arrogant about doing that?), and it seems that most people get here while looking for the Wee World site.  I went there, and it is so cute and so much fun!  I made a Wee Me which I can’t figure out how to get over here.  I hope I can eventually figure it out because she is way adorable.  Anyway, if you’re here looking for the other site, I’ve left you a link, and have fun!

In other news, my boyfriend is mad at me … again.  I can’t seem to do anything right with him.  I also feel crappy today which isn’t helping matters in the least.  Sometimes I think he mostly hates me, but isn’t that being a little dramatic?  It’s what it feels like though.  Whole lotta drama.  You know, he makes me be good.  I have some really self-destructive tendencies, and he keeps them in check.  Without him, I’d probably go out drinking way more, and I know for sure that I would still smoke.  Usually I’m thankful for that.  Sometimes though, it makes me feel trapped and I just want to go out and cause trouble.  Very mature.  I don’t know, I guess it makes me feel like I’m losing my edge or something.  There’s a reason that my nickname after college was Drew Barrymore, and sometimes I miss her.  Mostly I don’t though.  That was a very unhealthy me.

Yesterday (and I think this just goes into the feeling crappy slush pile), I cried in the middle of my lesson.  I got so frustrated with myself that it was all I had left to do.  I absolutely hate crying in front of people, but I couldn’t help it.  Basically, I had let the fear get in and I couldn’t get it out.  Once the fear is in, everything else just shuts down – I had no ability to bend my knees and therefore no ability to skate whatsoever.  It was the big suck.  Duke was just trying to get me to do a simple three-turn into backwards crossovers, and there I was, totally freaking out.  The crying helped though.  Once I got it out of my system, I made some progress on the crossovers.  I also did the best three-turn I’ve ever done, complete with holding the edge.  So I guess the moral of the story is sometimes you have to have a mental breakdown in order to make progress.  Luckily I have another chance to redeem myself tomorrow.  That’s the thing with skating – every day is very different, and one bad day is just that.

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