March 2007


I’ve been watching “Dancing with the Stars”.  What is wrong with me???  I guess what this means is that I am an average American.  Hunh.  Average sucks.

Anyway, I will offer my commentary on the competition thus far.  The results show has started, and I have to say if Billy Ray Mullet Man doesn’t go, then people are dumber than I thought.  He has not one iota of dancing ability.  So we’ll see how that goes.  Who has surprised me?  Well, Heather Mills has.  I think her leg can be totally taken out of the equation.  Laila Ali has been a surprise as well.  I guess I just didn’t expect much grace with all that bulk, but that just goes to show I’m stupid.  She’s a boxer, and boxers are graceful and quick-footed, so I should have expected her to be good.  She’s more expressive than I thought she’d be though, that’s for sure!  Oh, and John Ratzenberger – not the best dancer in the world, but he can sell it!  He’s very entertaining.

 I thought the basketball guy would’ve been better, but he’s been clumsy-looking IMO.  Maybe his height is an issue.  I dunno, but he should go after Billy Ray.  I also thought Shandi would be better, but she looks like one of those girls who is still trying to grow into her body.  She needs to own it!  I’d trade any day for that leggy body except that I would be way too tall for ice dancing then.  Leeza Gibbons … blah.

Overall, I am very impressed with the stars.  They did an awesome job of casting!  For the most part, they’re elegant,and you can see that they’ve worked hard and that they care about what they’re doing.  Oh, hey, that problem Joey has with sticking his butt out?  I do that in ice dancing.  Duke calls it teepee-ing or running away from him.  He tells me, “navel to navel!”  Eeekkk, that is such a personal space invasion!

Okay, some fun skating stuff.  I fell yesterday like Superman.  It was spectacular.  We were in a hand-in-hand hold during Swing Dance (for all the ice dance patterns, see http://uqconnect.net/~zzbarneg/dancepatterns.htm) getting ready for Duke’s mohawk, and I tripped over my toe pick.  Nice one!  I went *splat* on the ice right on my front and slid about forty feet.  I am battered from knees to bodacious tatas, and thank goodness for them since they acted as an airbag and kept me from smacking my face on the ice.  See, there is some good that comes from being behind on my diet!  Once I lose the rest of the weight, I’m not going to have anything up top anymore, and ack, I’m not looking forward to that at all.  Anyway, Duke turns around with this horrified look on his face and was all, “Oh my gosh, are you okay?”  Well, yeah, I was fine.  I’m a tough girl – I used to play hockey.  Now this sucked because I don’t get pads in ice dancing, but I’m not about to let a little fall stop me.  So I skated down to the other end and was ready to go again, but Duke needed three laps of talking before he was ready to go.  He doesn’t like it when I fall!  I’ve been very lucky with my falls so far – I always get up laughing, and not everyone can say that.  I hope I always can.  So today I got up to go skate, and I was checking out the damage.  I’ve got a swollen looking spot on my left thigh.  Yep, that’s what I want – a swollen thigh.  Awesome.  Then there’s a tiny bruise on my right knee and a medium one on my left ribs.  WTF???  My whole left side feels like a train wreck and I’ve got nothing to show for it.  I can’t even go to hockey people and tell them about my great ice dancing boo-boo and show them massive bruising because there is none!  It’s like when you feel like crap, but your mom doesn’t believe you because you don’t have a fever.  I learned at a very young age to heat up the thermometer on a lightbulb.  It heats up super-fast, so you have to be careful.  A slight fever is best so that you don’t draw any suspicion.

I took a cardio and core class tonight with one of the trainers at the rink.  I had to run sprints and run up and down the stairs.  Hello, I’m 37 years old!  It was fine though – I was only about a half-step behind on the sprints, so I felt okay about that (unless those kids weren’t running full-out, in which case I’m going to have to kick their asses!).  The core part was really difficult but I did all right.  The only thing that I just could not do for crap was this exercise where she had us sit under the ballet barre with our backs on the wall, hold the barre with our hands, then lift our legs straight up in front of us about six inches off the floor and beat our legs together.  That’s right, go ahead and try it!  Apparently, I don’t have that muscle.  All in all, I was very happy that I’ve been doing Pilates tapes at home! 

Back to TV – Billy Ray is not going home.  That’s it, America is officially full of idiots.  Of the current bottom two, Paulina and Shandi, I think Shandi should go.  Paulina has potential if she would just relax.  Dammit!  It was Paulina.  That’s sad.  Disappointed!  She probably wouldn’t have lasted too much longer anyway since there are some really talented people on the show though.

 All right, I’m gonna shut up now.  G’nite! 

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I once again have ice dancing songs stuck in my head – today it’s the Fiesta Tango even though I only worked on that one for like ten minutes.  I have three songs for that dance, but the one that always gets stuck in my head is, in my mind, called “Italian Restaurant Song”.  One of my Dutch Waltz songs was renamed “The Circus Song”.  There was a Rhythm Blues song that should’ve been called “The Sex Song” (don’t be shocked, but Rhythm Blues always turns out better if you can get some sultry thoughts going), and a Canasta Tango song that could be called “The Anger Song”.  My Swing Dance song is called “Boggy Old People Song” because it sounds like something old people in a boggy place like Mississippi would listen to.  Duke once got onto me because I didn’t have my songs labeled on my Wee Tiny (this is what I call my MP3 player as it describes it perfectly).  Considering the names I would give them, perhaps it’s better if I don’t label them.  I know Cha Cha is songs 10-12, Fiesta Tango is 13-15, etc.  That’s enough for me, but it’s hard for him to find the songs.  To which I say, give me my Wee Tiny back and I’ll find the songs!  Silly coach.

An embarrassing confession: I have added American Idol to my reality show repetoire.  Yes, it is true.  I have been cracked.  Actually, the show is like bad crack, but I can’t help myself.  This is actually my sister’s fault because she made me watch it when I was in Austin.  It’s so frustrating though!  Whenever I think somebody sucks (Hobbit Boy, anyone???), the judges are all like, “Yeah man, that was awesome!”.  Then when I think somebody sounded good, like Phil on “Tobacco Road” last night, they tell him he sucks.  What the hell?  I asked Rich about it, and he said, “Well, remember last summer with ‘Rock Star’?  The same thing kept happening.”  So yeah, I watched “Rock Star”.  Oh the shame is complete now!  My mom is the bad one though – she watches EVERY reality show there is and then calls me to find out if I saw it too.  And that right there is why I generally won’t watch stuff like “American Idol” as I do not want to turn into one of those, “Hey, did you see ‘Dancing with the Stars’ last night” people.  That’s kind of TV snobbery, but argh!  I have to have some standards, but considering I watch “Big Brother’, they clearly are low.  I feel dirty. 

This one is from Coffeemate Corner.  I’m not even going to try to fix the spacing or colors due to past disasters! The Dirty Thirty +

1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship? No love

2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
Yesterday 3. What were you doing this morning at 8am? Texting Duke so he would know I was sick and couldn’t make it to the rink. 4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Playing a poker tournament on a computer game.  I won, but that’s not that big of an accomplishment against the doofuses they put in there.
5. Are you any good at math?
Yes 6. Your prom night? I didn’t go.   7. Do you have any famous ancestors? Not that I know of.
8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
No. 9. How many different beverages did you drink today? 3 Water, coffee, and cranberry juice
10. Do you ever leave messages on people’s answering machines?
Yes 11. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? Donny and Marie.  Seriously!
12. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
No, but I do make castles
13. What’s the most painful dental procedure you’ve had?
The most recent one which is described in this blog.  Ick.
14. What is out your back door?
The backyard 15. Any plans for Friday night? Not yet.  We have the munchkin this weekend though, so we’ll either go to a movie or play games or something like that.
16. Do you like the ocean? Yes!!!
17. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas? Yes
18. Have you ever been to a planetarium? Yes, I love the planetarium
19. Something you are excited about? My headache going away.  I know it will eventually.
20. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Black cherry
21. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
No, but I had great-grandparents into my early twenties which was incredibly special.
22. Describe your keychain.
It has my car key, Rich’s truck key, my house key, three discount tags for grocery stores, a wee tiny Swiss Army knife, and a thing from Hawaii that says my name in Hawaiin. 23. Where do you keep your change? Wallet, car, and in the Road Rage jar.  I gave up Road Rage for Lent and I have to pay a quarter for every incident. 24. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? Oh gosh, I avoid that!  I’m very shy.  I think the last time was when I was forced to in school.25. What kind of winter coat do you have? Well, it’s
Texas, so I have a light coat for most days that is also a rain coat.  You can zip out the lining for Spring.  My big winter coat is a long black wool coat that I got hugely on sale.  It’s beautiful if I may say so.  
26. What are you wearing right now? Uh, jammies.  That’s embarrassing.  I’ve been in them all day.  They’re really cute though!
27. What is your current problem?
Oh gosh.  My personal problem is skating stuff and the general frustrations that go along with that.  That’s so minor though.  It really doesn’t merit mention.  My family problem is keeping my son happy and healthy.  He was miserable over Spring Break when he didn’t get to go to
Austin, but we didn’t think he should go when my sister just lost the baby.  So he went to
Indiana instead with my ex and his girlfriend.  I think they kind of excluded him which pissed me right off.  I’m going to try to make it up to him this weekend.  Plus we’re going back to
Austin for Easter, and everyone is excited about that!  Ooo, I should’ve put that in the what are you excited about question.

28. What do you love most?
My munchkin, my boyfriend, my family.
29. Are you musically talented?
I don’t know.  I was in ballet for 18 years, so I must have some kind of musicality.  But then again, sometimes I have trouble counting music outloud.  I can stay on the beat though for ice dancing.  It’s weird.30. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day-what would you be? A kitty cat.+. Ever have a near death experience? No, thank goodness!+. Can you sing? LOL, no!+. What’s the name of the song that’s stuck in your head right now? I don’t have one.  How weird.+. Who did you cut and paste this from? Coffeemate Corner +. Name someone with the same b-day as you: Wendel Clark.  Cool!  He was one of my favorite hockey players.  Also Pablo Picasso.

+. Have you ever destroyed someone’s property? No!  How awful!  Oh wait, I’ve forgotten about the time Toby and I wanted to see what was inside his Stretch Armstrong.  We totally destroyed it, but he was involved so it’s not like I went over there and purposely destroyed something out of malice.  We more like accidentally ruined it.  His mother was not impressed.

Eeewww, ack, the spacing is going to be awful, but really, everytime I try to fix spacing, it ends up so much worse!

Have truer words ever been spoken?  I’m at home sick AGAIN today, gaggers.  So I was catching up on all the DVR stuff I missed last week while in Austin.  Jericho is one of my favorite shows despite it’s miniseries feel.  I think it’s the music that does it, but sometimes it’s a combination of that plus bad acting plus soap operaesque pauses.  Whatever it’s flaws, I like it, and last week’s episode was awesome (even the over-choreographed fight between Hawkins and that chick which was like, okay, you hit him, and pause!  Now you hit her.  And wait for it …).  The town took a tank from the fake Marines who came to town, and they decided to hide it in Stanley’s barn.  As Big Papa Gerald McRaney (honestly, can I not remember a single character’s name today???) said, “You never know when you’re gonna need a tank.”  Kinda makes me want one.  Though I really don’t have anywhere to park one.  It would be fun to park it right in front of the house.  Slightly intimidating.  Plus I’d have a car that could beat the hell out of my mom’s Hummer.  Not that I would want to do that!  The gas mileage would suck though.

I’m trying to figure out what is making me feel like crap.  I’m not eating or drinking anything today that I have had in the last couple of days to see if it’s food related (like milk).  I have been utterly nauseated.  Once I’ve made the decision that I wasn’t going to get to the rink and have gone back to bed, I’ve felt better when I woke up the second time.  Except for one thing: the headache I’ve had since the wreck.  I’m pretty sure I hit my head, but I don’t know what I hit it on.  There are really only two choices.  I was in the middle of the backseat, so it was either my knees or the center console.  I’ve been taking Tylenol for it, but it’s not helping much.  Plus there’s the little issue of it hurts to tilt my head back to drop the pills in my mouth.  That’s awesome when I have two vitamins, two prescriptions, and three glucosamine chondroitin pills a day.  Yay for me!  Anyway, if I don’t feel better tomorrow, I’m going to the doctor.  Ack!

My sister and I have figured out where we’re going to live when we’re super-wealthy and I come to live in Austin.  We went to Mt. Bonnell to take in the views of Lake Austin from up high (well, high for Texas anyway).  There are beautiful homes on the lake as well as up on the cliffs.  Kim wants to live on the lake, and I want to live up higher for the views.  So we figure we’d have the best of both worlds because we’d go visit each other so much.  In fact, we decided that since we’d be super-wealthy, we’d just build a tram between our houses for quicker travel.  Then Jason mentioned he’d like a zip line between the two.  Sounds like fun to me!  Now if we could just figure out a way to become super-wealthy…

My twelve-year old son is playing Oblivion right now which is, in my opinion, the best game ever!  He mentioned that his guy was “totally pimped out”.  Oh dear ….  That sounds really bad when it comes out of a kid’s mouth.  Of course when I looked up at the screen, I saw he was only telling the truth.  His dude had on a gold medallion.  I wish there were a way to give him some chest hair and a shiny disco shirt.

I was sick this morning and missed my lesson.  It’s starting to feel like life will never be on track again.  Last week was so fucked up.  I had high hopes for this week starting out well, but no, it sucked.  Maybe tomorrow will be better.  I need to have some fun, and my lessons are generally fun even when frustrating.  But you know, I’m glad I have them.  If I didn’t have ice dancing, I’m sure that a) I would weigh more than I do and that would be totally unacceptable, b) I would be as bored everyday as I was today, and that just means trouble, and c) I wouldn’t be learning something new and challenging which means I wouldn’t be living life as it’s meant to be lived.  Now having said that, I think I have a ways to go in the living life category.  I’d like to travel more and do things on trips that are once in a lifetime opportunities.  Really what I’d like to do is go on Amazing Race.  That would be awesome!  I used to want to do Survivor, but I think the lack of food would be a HUGE problem.  Part of why I was so sick this morning was my blood sugar was too low, and that was just from one day of not eating enough.  So you can imagine what many days of not eating enough would do.  I’d be utterly useless and voted off.  That’s the other nice thing about Amazing Race – you don’t get voted off.  So you’re relying on you and your teammate and that is all.  If you piss people off, they can’t kick you off the show.  Not that I’m planning on pissing anyone off or anything like that, but hey, you never know.  Anyway, it’s hard to go on a show like that if you refuse to go on an airplane, so for now … pipedream!

The getting voted off concept has brought a train of thoughts to mind – I wonder what it would be like to experience me from the outside?  I’d like to know what it’s like to be around me.  I know it can be frustrating to be around me because I’m all over the place and my attention span sucks.  My sister is like a tornado, and I think I’m a calmed down version of her, but maybe I’m just a somewhat quieter version of her.  Or maybe not – maybe I’m just as loud as she is but I don’t realize it.  She’s so funny though, and I don’t think I’m as funny as she is.  And what does my perfume smell like to other people?  I know what it smells like to me, but is that the same as what other people smell?  What do I do that annoys the crap out of people?  What do I do that they like?  I don’t know what I’d do with that information even if I had it, so I suppose in the meantime, I’ll just be me and people can deal with it!  Damn, that sounds ornery.  Maybe people think I’m obnoxious!

So we were on our way to my grandparents for dinner tonight, five of us crammed into my mom’s H3 (and if I might ruin the suspense, thank goodness she got rid of her Camaro because this would’ve been REALLY bad otherwise), and while we were stopped at a light, this jackass rammed into us.  He was driving a Honda Odyssey (a really ugly minivan in a class of cars which are ALL ugly).  The Hummer won.  We barely had a scratch, but his car was totaled.  Everyone is pretty much fine.  My dad has gone to bed and his neck and back are sore.  My mom’s liver seems to be displaced (not really – she just said it felt as if it were not quite in the right spot anymore.  She had a liver transplant a few years ago.  Did I ever mention that?).  Kim and Jason are fine, but this was Jason’s first time in a wreck of any kind ever.  How weird is that?  I’ve been in seven or so, passenger or otherwise.  My throat hurts where my seatbelt hit as I flopped over (I was in the middle of the backseat and got tossed pretty good), and my neck is sore.  My head hurts too, but I didn’t hit it or anything.

Anyway, we got hit pretty hard because the dude didn’t touch his brakes.  Nope, the mofo was looking down and didn’t see us (this is the story he told the cops and I’m assuming it’s true because it is so very dumb).  I figure he was dialing his phone or switching CD’s or something.  He got two tickets, one for failure to keep a safe distance (that’s pretty ironic, eh?) and one for an expired license.  Fucker.

I’m about done with this week.  It has hardcore sucked ass.  I’m gonna go play with the Wii now.  That’s fun!  I wish I had one, but I better pay my damn taxes before I spend any more money.

I love books, and this is from Radical Mama who I believe is on my blogroll.  She’s awesome!  Anyway, the rules are to put READ by the books you’ve read, AGAIN & AGAIN by what you’ve read repeatedly, WANT TO by what you want to read, and leave it blank if you’re not interested. 

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown) READ
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) WANT TO
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee) AGAIN & AGAIN
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell) READ
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien) AGAIN & AGAIN
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien) AGAIN & AGAIN
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien) AGAIN & AGAIN
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)

9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling) AGAIN & AGAIN
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown) READ
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling) AGAIN & AGAIN
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden) READ
16. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (Rowling) AGAIN & AGAIN
17. Fall on Your Knees(Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King) WANT TO
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling) AGAIN & AGAIN

20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)

21. The Hobbit (Tolkien) AGAIN & AGAIN
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger) AGAIN & AGAIN
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott) READ
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams) READ
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte) READ
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis) AGAIN & AGAIN
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck) READ
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert) READ
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell) READ
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley) READ
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb) READ
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho) WANT TO
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel) READ
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella) READ, EMBARRASSED
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. The Bible READ PARTS
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy) READ
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck) READ
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb) READ
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)READ
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card) JUST BOUGHT BUT HAVEN’T STARTED YET
54. Great Expectations (Dickens) READ
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald) READ
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling) AGAIN & AGAIN
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood) AGAIN & AGAIN
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger) READ
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky) READ
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand) WANT TO
63. War and Peace (Tolsoy) READ
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller) WANT TO
69. Les Miserables (Hugo) READ
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery) READ EN FRANCAIS
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding) READ
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje) READ
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett) WANT TO
76. Tigana (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving) READ
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White) AGAIN & AGAIN
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck) READ
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind) MAYBE READ
85. Emma (Jane Austen) READ
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams) READ
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley) READ
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding) AGAIN & AGAIN
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)

94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd) READ
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum) READ
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton) READ
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch) READ
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce) READ

I think I ferked up the spacing as usual, but I’m not going to try to fix it since the last time I did that, I messed it up far more than it was to begin with.  Wow, that sentence has a lot of grammatical errors.  Not gonna fix those either.  Really, whose gonna make me???  Sorry, I am feeling a little ornery today.  I haven’t slept all week.  The eating has gone by the wayside as well except for candy.  We’re just not eating real food at the moment.  We did try today – breakfast tacos, but then it was right back out.  Yuck.  Anyway … I don’t have anything to follow up my “anyway”, so I’m just going to sign off.  I think I’m going to wish I had deleted this paragraph!

Oh hey, here’s me being a bitch:  my mom is wearing slipper/scuff things, and she’s not picking up her feet when she walks.  I getting ready to grab a foot, take off the slipper, and whack her upside the head with it.  Pick up your damn feet, woman!

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