I’ve been watching “Dancing with the Stars”.  What is wrong with me???  I guess what this means is that I am an average American.  Hunh.  Average sucks.

Anyway, I will offer my commentary on the competition thus far.  The results show has started, and I have to say if Billy Ray Mullet Man doesn’t go, then people are dumber than I thought.  He has not one iota of dancing ability.  So we’ll see how that goes.  Who has surprised me?  Well, Heather Mills has.  I think her leg can be totally taken out of the equation.  Laila Ali has been a surprise as well.  I guess I just didn’t expect much grace with all that bulk, but that just goes to show I’m stupid.  She’s a boxer, and boxers are graceful and quick-footed, so I should have expected her to be good.  She’s more expressive than I thought she’d be though, that’s for sure!  Oh, and John Ratzenberger – not the best dancer in the world, but he can sell it!  He’s very entertaining.

 I thought the basketball guy would’ve been better, but he’s been clumsy-looking IMO.  Maybe his height is an issue.  I dunno, but he should go after Billy Ray.  I also thought Shandi would be better, but she looks like one of those girls who is still trying to grow into her body.  She needs to own it!  I’d trade any day for that leggy body except that I would be way too tall for ice dancing then.  Leeza Gibbons … blah.

Overall, I am very impressed with the stars.  They did an awesome job of casting!  For the most part, they’re elegant,and you can see that they’ve worked hard and that they care about what they’re doing.  Oh, hey, that problem Joey has with sticking his butt out?  I do that in ice dancing.  Duke calls it teepee-ing or running away from him.  He tells me, “navel to navel!”  Eeekkk, that is such a personal space invasion!

Okay, some fun skating stuff.  I fell yesterday like Superman.  It was spectacular.  We were in a hand-in-hand hold during Swing Dance (for all the ice dance patterns, see http://uqconnect.net/~zzbarneg/dancepatterns.htm) getting ready for Duke’s mohawk, and I tripped over my toe pick.  Nice one!  I went *splat* on the ice right on my front and slid about forty feet.  I am battered from knees to bodacious tatas, and thank goodness for them since they acted as an airbag and kept me from smacking my face on the ice.  See, there is some good that comes from being behind on my diet!  Once I lose the rest of the weight, I’m not going to have anything up top anymore, and ack, I’m not looking forward to that at all.  Anyway, Duke turns around with this horrified look on his face and was all, “Oh my gosh, are you okay?”  Well, yeah, I was fine.  I’m a tough girl – I used to play hockey.  Now this sucked because I don’t get pads in ice dancing, but I’m not about to let a little fall stop me.  So I skated down to the other end and was ready to go again, but Duke needed three laps of talking before he was ready to go.  He doesn’t like it when I fall!  I’ve been very lucky with my falls so far – I always get up laughing, and not everyone can say that.  I hope I always can.  So today I got up to go skate, and I was checking out the damage.  I’ve got a swollen looking spot on my left thigh.  Yep, that’s what I want – a swollen thigh.  Awesome.  Then there’s a tiny bruise on my right knee and a medium one on my left ribs.  WTF???  My whole left side feels like a train wreck and I’ve got nothing to show for it.  I can’t even go to hockey people and tell them about my great ice dancing boo-boo and show them massive bruising because there is none!  It’s like when you feel like crap, but your mom doesn’t believe you because you don’t have a fever.  I learned at a very young age to heat up the thermometer on a lightbulb.  It heats up super-fast, so you have to be careful.  A slight fever is best so that you don’t draw any suspicion.

I took a cardio and core class tonight with one of the trainers at the rink.  I had to run sprints and run up and down the stairs.  Hello, I’m 37 years old!  It was fine though – I was only about a half-step behind on the sprints, so I felt okay about that (unless those kids weren’t running full-out, in which case I’m going to have to kick their asses!).  The core part was really difficult but I did all right.  The only thing that I just could not do for crap was this exercise where she had us sit under the ballet barre with our backs on the wall, hold the barre with our hands, then lift our legs straight up in front of us about six inches off the floor and beat our legs together.  That’s right, go ahead and try it!  Apparently, I don’t have that muscle.  All in all, I was very happy that I’ve been doing Pilates tapes at home! 

Back to TV – Billy Ray is not going home.  That’s it, America is officially full of idiots.  Of the current bottom two, Paulina and Shandi, I think Shandi should go.  Paulina has potential if she would just relax.  Dammit!  It was Paulina.  That’s sad.  Disappointed!  She probably wouldn’t have lasted too much longer anyway since there are some really talented people on the show though.

 All right, I’m gonna shut up now.  G’nite! 

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