May 2007


I’m in training at the rink, working in the figure skating office.  It’s an easy job which doesn’t take much time out of my schedule.  However, one of the things I have to do is take roll for each on-ice session.  What you do (and I might add that this has got to be one of the most inefficient things that this entirely inefficient operation does) is take a roll sheet and look at the people on the ice and write their names down.  Sounds simple enough, right?  But the reality is that all these kids look alike to me (less than five feet tall, little dress, ponytail).  I know the ice dancers since that’s what I do.  I know some of the kids because of having them in different off-ice classes.  The majority, though, heh.  I have no idea who these people are.  So you either have to call them over to get their names or go bug one of the coaches for names.  That’s just dumb.  Why can’t we put the sheet up at the ice entrance and have the kids sign themselves in?  Seems like a simple solution to me.  Then I would go check and see if the number of names matched the number of people, and if it didn’t, then I would start calling people over or checking with the coaches or whatever.  Then again, everyone else who works in the office has managed to learn all the kid’s names, so I guess I can too.

I have a monster headache, so that’s it for today.

Okay, I realize that just a couple of days ago, I got on my soapbox about people being nicer to other people.  However, today I found this.  I am sorry, but it is lol funny.

People are really mean to Jessica Simpson.  Granted, she may not be the smartest cookie on the block, but hey, I doubt the writer of the article is either.  I guess when somebody of middling talent combined with actually looking like a Barbie doll becomes rich and famous, people feel the need to take unnecessary potshots.  Why?  Because people suck, they’re petty, and they’re jealous.  It would be such a better world if we would all be our best selves at all times.  I wish I could do it!

Magnus started puppy school yesterday.  It was really fun!  We’re going to the training school at Petsmart.  I chose them for two reasons.  One, they teach the owner what to do, and then you do it.  They don’t do it for you.  And two, they got my sister’s full grown crazy dogs under control.  If you can do that, I’m all over it.  Anyway, Magnus knew sit, come, down, and off already.  This week, we’re working on “watch me” so you know you have his full attention.  We’re also continuing to work on sit because he doesn’t do it well with distractions.  We’re doing clicker training, meaning that as soon as he does what I want him to, I click the clicker.  So as soon as his bottom hits the floor on a sit, I click.  Then he gets a treat.  What he learns from this is that his action is correct at the time of the clicker, and the treat is associated with the clicker rather than his action because by the time you get the treat to a puppy, they’re usually standing back up from their sit or looking away again from their watch me.  I hope that makes sense.  Anyway, he responded really well, and I’m very happy with our first lesson.  The really nice thing is that we’re the only ones signed up for the class, so he’s getting private lessons for the price of a group class.  Yay us!

This is my first weekend on my own since the break up.  I’ve had the munchkin the other weekends (I had him a few in a row because Ex-Husband had to go out of town, plus Mother’s Day weekend, etc.).  So I’m going to get the office set up this weekend.  Ex-Boyfriend left office furniture behind (a desk, bookshelf, and filing cabinet) so that’s what I’ll use.  Right now it’s in Munchkin’s room, but he doesn’t use it.  He does his homework sitting on the bed.  I did that too when I was a kid.  So he said I could move it.  We’re going to fill the empty area of his room with this bookshelf from Ikea.  The one we want isn’t shown right now, but it’s the beech effect rather than the birch effect – i.e., it’s lighter in color.  All of his Lego models will fit in addition to his books and other knick-knacks.  I feel like I may have talked about this before.  Clearly I’m excited about it then.

Ex-boyfriend also left behind his gas grill.  It’s very nice, but I have a bit of a phobia about gas grills.  I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever use it.  I’d like to, because Munchkin loves stuff off the grill.  I really like grilled tomatoes.  But what if I do it wrong and the whole grill explodes setting me, the boy, the dog and the house on fire?  Mmm, the “what-if-game”.  How fun.  It’s not like I’m being totally unrealistic here though.  This is Texas, and we do have a ton of spiders here.  Spiders can get into the gas lines and cause leaks.  So see, it could happen, and therefore, I’m scared to use the grill.

Well, the nefarious Bush administration plan to lower gas prices by having a war is not going so well.  I would say, however, that the more likely evil plot would have been to have a war and get gas prices up in order to make larger profits for his little gas buddies.  That is going fantastically.  But we wouldn’t give him credit for being that clever, would we?  All I know is that I have changed my driving habits in order to save gas money.  I’m much better about combining trips, and I’m not taking any classes at rinks that are farther from home than my normal rink.  If they don’t have it at my rink, forget it.  My car is not a guzzler, and it still takes less than $40 to fill it up, but I don’t want to fill up more than once a week if I can help it.  I can go about 300 miles on a tank of around 14 gallons.  That’s just over 21 miles per gallon.  Not great, but certainly not an SUV!

I wish it would stop raining for a few days so I could get into the garden.  It’s rained just about every day for the entire month.  We’ve had like two nice days, and you don’t dry out enough to tromp through the garden in one day.  I need to weed badly, and the roses need pruning.  The petunias and other annuals need deadheading.  Out of all the plants out there, I think the lavender and the hibiscus are doing the best.  The lavender surprises me – it’s a drought resistant plant, so I thought it would be unhappy in all the rain.  The roses are blooming nicely too.  Some of the annuals are clearly suffering with the excess rain.  Their leaves are turning that yellowy-brown of an overwatered plant.  The fact that I was a dumbass and didn’t really amend the soil which is clay didn’t help.  All I did was add a little Miracle Grow gardening soil to the holes I dug out of the clay.  I’ll do better when I plant the fall flowers.

Okay, the search term “I have two pee holes” has once again been used to find my blog.  Seriously, I kid you not.  Is this a real condition?  How would that work?  Would you pee out both holes at the same time?  Or would you be able to control which hole the pee came out of?  It would be like taking turns with your tatas while breast feeding.  I’ve gotten really curious about this whole thing.  It’s like when we were playing trivial pursuit when I was a kid, and the question “What is hemipenes?” came up.  With great relish and a wicked grin, my dad answered, “Dual whippers!”  I was horrified, and yet I had to know more.  Yikes!

My coach is out of town for two weeks.  I could just weep.  I hate it when he leaves!!!  Everything he has ever taught me goes right out the window, and I turn into a quivering lump of inability for whatever length of time he’s gone.  To add to the fun, I’m going to get my skates sharpened while he’s out so he at least doesn’t have to go through those few days of complete freak-out with me.  Freshly sharpened skates suck so much ass.  You have to dull some of that edge off before you can skid stop, so for a couple of days you have to just let your momentum wear off and then kind of run yourself (softly) into the boards.  It wasn’t so much an issue with hockey skates.  I wonder why there’s a difference?

I forgot to tell one little break-up story.  When Ex-Boyfriend gave me my key back, he was so careful not to touch my hand.  I thought how strange it was to go from having such a touchy-feely boyfriend to having an ex who was afraid of any contact.  I wondered which he feared more – my reaction to a touch, or his.  Or on the other hand, maybe since he broke up with me, he’s decided I’m utterly repulsive and didn’t want to touch my hand because of that!

I’m almost finished with Anne Frank’s diary.  I had forgotten how insightful and funny she was.  It makes me so sad.  She was an incredible writer, and so young!  It’s like on The Amazing Race when Joyce and Uchenna were at Auschwitz, and he mentioned all the books that were never written because of the Holocaust.  I think Anne Frank could’ve written beautiful books.

My next door neighbor is an illegal waterer.  We’re currently only allowed to water on Thursdays and not between 10 am and 6 pm.  He’s watering every night around nine o’clock, so of course the city guy isn’t around to see.  It pisses me right off because even though we’ve had a ton of rain lately, our area is still technically in a drought.  At least according to city officials anyway, and that’s only because our lake that’s like five minutes from here is still down two feet.  All the other lakes in the area are normal or above.  Personally I think they’re full of crap about our lake, but hey, I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry.  Anyway, until the restrictions are lifted, I think you have to follow them.  They’re in place for a reason!

Okay, so onto the break-up story.  It’s really weird because I’m not even sure what prompted it.  We were getting ready to watch an episode of “Planet Earth”, and then we somehow got into lecture number 857 entitled “Things You Do That Don’t Please Me” by Now-Ex-Boyfriend.  Amongst the many things I don’t do right are 1) I don’t cook often enough, and when I do it, it’s not because I love him and want him to eat.  No, rather it is because I’m hungry.  Not true – it’s because it’s dinnertime and we’re both hungry.  But whatever – what difference does it make why a person cooks if the end result is the same; there is food on the table, now come and eat!  And when I don’t cook, it doesn’t mean I don’t love him or my son.  It just means I didn’t cook.  Somebody else can cook, and by somebody, I mean Ex-Boyfriend.  He actually likes to cook.  I hate cooking.  Hate it!  I love to bake though.  Or we could eat out or order in or fend for ourselves.  Cooking does not equal love. 

Reason 2)  I am technically a stay-at-home mom even though I don’t have custody.  I still see my son every day and pick him up from either school or my mom’s house every day except Tuesdays when he goes to his other grandmother’s house.  Because of that, Ex-Boyfriend thinks I should actually stay at home all day.  No ice dancing, no lunches with friends, no bookstore browsing or whatever.  No, I should stay at home and clean and cook all fucking day.  What is this, 1950?  Am I June Cleaver?  I think not! 

Reason 3)  He felt like he came in second to ice dancing which is something I do during the day while he’s at work (oops, instead of staying home doing the cooking and cleaning).  But oh no, I had the unmitigated gall to sometimes talk about what I did at the rink, so that must place him second.  Now, I never felt like I came in second to hockey even when I had to listen to a play-by-play of a very bad hockey game!  I listened to him because he was passionate about it, and I cared about him, and therefore I cared enough to listen.  That did not work both ways.  He was also desperately jealous of Duke.  Um, Duke is 23 and he’s my coach.  I absolutely love the time I spend with him, but not in a romantic way.  I have a ton of fun with him too.  Yes, I have to hold hands with him, and yes, we do dance very closely (it’s supposed to be navel to navel, but we haven’t achieved that yet as I find it a violation of my personal space!  Have to get over that one!).  But you have to!  It’s how it works!  Have you ever seen ice dancers or ballroom dancers or any kind of partnered dancers not touch?  Ridiculous!

Reason 4) And this is the one where I will admit fault.  He said I wasn’t as touchy-feely with him anymore.  For example, I didn’t lay on the couch with him anymore to watch a movie.  There is a reason behind that though.  His furniture is what ended up in the family room.  It’s black leather bachelor slippery and yet sticky yuck.  Not comfy, and not wide and roomy like my couches on which I was always happy to cuddle.  So anyway, black leather made me un-cuddly.  Maybe I should’ve put my personal comfort aside to make him happier in the closeness department.

Reason 5) I didn’t walk around in sexy little thongs and heels nearly often enough (read: really ever.  So uncomfortable!).  Okay, I realize they wouldn’t be on for long, but hey, is it not enough for me to just take off my regular clothes?  I guess not.  I suppose he needed me to walk around like a complete harlot to turn him on.  Yuck.  Am I June Cleaver or a whore?  Really, which one?  Fuck dude, I’m confused!  I think perhaps all the porn plus his saint of a mother had him confused too.

So that’s the high points of the reasons for the break-up.  He went on to say that our lack of intimacy wasn’t helping (hang on there, not my fault – I’ve been having all those problems with the breakthrough bleeding, though that’s pretty much under control now that my doctor switched the kind of b.c. I am on.  However, if there had been one droplet of blood anytime in the past 24 hours, he wouldn’t touch me!  Or he was tired from work or hockey, or I was tired from skating or running.  Or I hadn’t paraded around in slutwear.  Or I hadn’t shaved that day.  He doesn’t like hair at all, not that I blame him.  Stubble is gross.  However, he was very demanding about the circumstances under which he would have sex.  It made me feel unappealing if I wasn’t all “perfect”.  So we hadn’t had sex in a couple of weeks.  However, we had not five minutes before decided we were going to have some sex!  Ironic!!!  And needless to say, that didn’t happen.)  I suggested that there were steps we could take to remedy all that, like going on dates again.  Our last real date had been when we went to see “Pan’s Labyrinth” in February.  Hello!  February!!!  Plus he yelled at me that night for being upset about my tooth that had just broken.  Well, excuse me!  Hunh, I feel anger coursing through me at the moment.  What an asshole!

Anyway, I was sick and tired of the lectures and not being good enough.  I told him I wasn’t going to sit around on pins and needles waiting for him to decide (again!  This was the fourth time this happened) if he wanted to be with me.  He needed to decide then what the answer was.  He said, “I guess it’s over then.”

Fine by me!  I cannot even tell you how much more relaxed the munchkin and I have been since he left.  I just wish he’d hurry up and get the rest of his shit out of here so I wouldn’t have to look at it anymore.  And you know, I’m not bitter over men about this.  I know this particular one is a great big git who wants to live in a sanitized perfectly clean and ordered little world (makes it very hard to have a boy and a dog!) except for when it comes to sex, in which case, the dirtier the better.  I don’t need that.  I want somebody who’s willing to live a real life!  I still love men.  They’re generally cute and funny and nice to be around.  I love hugs from them too.  That said, I’m waiting until after next Valentine’s Day before I start dating again.  I want to make sure I’m right in the head because I clearly wasn’t if I was willing to live with a person such as Ex-Boyfriend.  He didn’t make me feel good about myself.  That should’ve been enough for me to end it ages ago.  But I know better now!

One of the funnier things that has happened out of all this was his reaction to my new furniture.  I moved my couch and chair and a half from the formal living room to the family room.  Then I decided I needed more seating, so I got these two chairs from Target.  They flank the fireplace, and they look really good in here.  So now there’s enough seating in my family room for my whole family when they come to visit.  It’s all good!  I also had to get end tables because the ones that were in here before were his.  In addition, my ex-husband gave me his old patio set because he was getting a new one, plus our old couch and loveseat which he had in storage.  I slipcovered those and got some pillows and throws, etc.  Well, ex-boyfriend has been over here twice, and twice he’s asked where I got the money to do all that (ack!  MYOB!!!) and why didn’t I do that kind of stuff when we were together (because we didn’t need furniture, and plus he made me feel so insecure about choices I wanted to make that I wouldn’t have out of fear of what he might say).  I simply said it was because we didn’t need furniture.  I refused to answer the money question (all I have to say is I love love love Target!), but I’m glad it looks like it’s out of my price range to him.  That makes me go “haha sucka”!  Not very mature, I know.  I also don’t care.

One last note to a very long post: I really knew I should’ve either broken up with him or let him carry on with one of his previous break-ups with me when my son, mom, and sister were all obviously happy about this.  It made me feel a little bit dumb, but at the same time, I’m glad I’m not imagining the asshole factor.

First let me say that I don’t know how responsible it is for me to write today considering the Halcion and Vicodin.  I caved on the Vic’s because oh deah gosh, ouch!!!  I’m remembering though that apple juice is not food so I shouldn’t barf this time.  My bloody mouth is freaking killing me.

Second, the Halcion didn’t make me fog out quite so much as last time.  I was much more aware of what was going on, but I didn’t care at all.  I just listened to my iPod and waited for it to be over.  It wasn’t until we were in the car that I realized I’d been in the chair for over four hours.

A nice thing happened today though.  Remember those chairs I bought online yesterday?  They came today.  Dang, that is FAST!  I’m impressed.  I haven’t taken them out of their boxes because I’m way doped up and my balance is suspect at best, but I did open a box and peek in.  I like them very much since they’ll tie the old table and the new cabinets together.

Now for fun, I’m going to work on a landscaping plan for my backyard.  Since I have no boyfriend living with me (well, as of Friday anyway), I’ll have to way slow down the plan since I’m the only one financing it.  But I do want to do little bits at a time.  I think it’s very important to surround yourself with beautiful things from nature so that you’re reminded that no matter how crappy things might be for you at the moment, life goes on, and that life is indeed lovely.

My perfect plan would include a sunning area made out of pavers with those awesome wooden chaise lounges like they have at Pottery Barn.  The new plan is some sort of substitute for pavers – maybe stamped concrete – and lounges that don’t come from Pottery Barn but maybe are on sale at Target or Lowe’s.  That’s still a lot of money, so this year I may use my existing ugly concrete patio and a couple of loungers from Walmart that are not wood.  Yay tacky!  But if I put enough plants out there, I won’t notice. 

We need some trees in the yard, and I’d like to do mainly fruit trees out there, but also a couple of shade trees and flowering trees as well.  I’d like to have trellises and flowering vines that would grow up the fence.  I’d also like to cordon off an area for Magnus to do his business, so like an area that is bordered by low hedges with an opening for him.  He also needs a dedicated digging area.  I have books to help me with this, so maybe once I get it all penciled out, I’ll scan it and put it on here.

Ew, that reminds me that I’ll have to buy a new printer/fax/scanner/copier thingie.  Mine busted right before Rich moved in, so I’ve been using his.  I feel in my drug haze that I might have known this yesterday.  Anyway, I’m going to go to the hgtv website and see if I can find some cheap and easy projects to start with.

Rich and I broke up last night.  I’ll write about all that later – not today.  It’s probably for the best, but that doesn’t change the fact that it pisses me right off.  Anyway, that’ll end up being a very long post I’m sure, so let’s save it for another day.

In the meantime, I ordered kitchen chairs from Target.  We’ve been using his dining set, and I have an old table out in the garage, but no chairs for it.  Basically, it’s a table from my first marriage and the table’s great, but the chairs sucked and broke one by one over the years.  So when I moved out from that marriage, I took the table and used folding chairs.  Yeah, I’m that tacky!  Then we ended up eating in the family room because folding chairs suck more ass than any other seating that I can think of right now.  I’m not doing that again!  Anyway, the table is a natural wood butcher block table, and the old chairs were natural wood spindleback chairs.  Pretty ordinary.  This time I got black wood with rush seats.  My kitchen cabinets are maple wood with black painted into the grooves, you know, where the raised parts are – those seams are black.  Then the crown, which is a dentil molding, has black in all the recessed parts.  That doesn’t sound right at all, so I’ll see if I can find a picture.  Of course the digital camera is Rich’s, so I won’t be using that to make any pictures for this.  Damn, another thing I’m gonna have to get at some point in life.  Okay, here are the cabinets http://www.westerncabinets.com/maple.html – they’re the Kincaid ones (just roll over Kincaid and the picture will change to that.  Then in your imagination, take a wee tiny paintbrush and paint in the recessed lines black.  Tada!  I cannot even tell you how long it took me to find those online, dang!  I was on a mission though.  Here are the chairs.

Okay, so I’m gonna be out of commission for a couple of days because of my teeth, but when I come back, I’ll write about the whole lovely breakup.  

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