November 2007

Last night, right before step-mom came to pick up Munchkin, my friend Shana from Houston called me to say she was in town for the Packers-Cowboys game, and did I want to come meet her?  Hell yeah!  I was in jammies (flannel penguins) and had already taken my contacts out, but I haven’t hung out with her and her boyfriend in ages.  So I got dressed and drove out to Irving (45 minutes away).

Let me tell you, they managed to find the only bar in the Dallas area that was completely full of Packers fans.  Not a Cowboy fan in sight (and we can include me in that since I don’t really watch football – I read during the games).  It was craaaaazy!  I met this dude:

He’s known as Saint Vince, and apparently his job is to

travel around the country going to Packers games.

I’m sorry about the spacing – the picture insisted on

being on the right, and the typing wants to go over

the picture, so I have to keep hitting enter which

makes big spaces.  But I think after the other day, we all know I am technologically challenged.

Anyway, the people I met last night were awesome!  They were so laid-back, and their accents were great.  They were good fans too – like not obnoxious at all, just excited to be here going to the game.  They were very excited about tailgating tomorrow.  Bratwursts baby!!!  I love those things.

I was trying hard to be good because I’m supposed to skate today (duh since I skate everyday), but I was drinking beer.  I didn’t want to be the girl at the table drinking vodka when everyone else had beer, so Coors Light it was.  Blech.  I had two and a half, and I feel quite cruddy.  Now for a moment of making fun – yes I am a lightweight, aka “Cheap Date” aka “Two-Can Sam” (my roommate in college, Britt, came up with that one).  In addition to not being able to drink much before being pretty drunk, I pay for my drinking with hangovers that should be attributed to three times as many drinks as I’ve actually had.  It is so not fair!  When I got home last night, I was already getting a headache, so I drank a bunch of water but it hasn’t helped so far.  My tummy is all funky too.  Ick!  With vodka, I can still only have about two and a half drinks, but I don’t get a headache.  My stomach still gets all grody, but D says it’s from the juice in the drinks.  Needless to say, movement is not at all desirable today.  Spinning is out of the question.

I have to clean the house up at some point today because Shana and Tony (that’s her boyfriend) are coming to stay with me on Friday.  This does mean more drinking though.  So also today, I will have to leave the house to go buy beer and vodka (not making that mistake again) and stuff for shots.  Shana wants Jagermeister and RedBull shots.  Oh dear, I’m already afraid.  What I’m wondering is how all this will affect my Saturday plans.  I’m supposed to go out with skating people and get obliterated since that’s the day the ex gets married.  However, I’m sure I’ll be hungover which makes me so not want to drink.  Plus I don’t like drinking two days in a row since that’s a lot for my body to handle.  I think I just don’t metabolize alcohol well.  That sucks ass.

I’m giving myself until one o’clock to feel better, and then I have to get started on my chores and errands.  I think I’m going to get a heating blanket today too.  My room is really cold!  In the meantime, I think I want to go back to sleep for a little bit. 


Why is it that when I find a new blog I like, that person takes a vacation from writing?  Generally what happens is I get bored and I start clicking on blogs on people’s blogrolls and I’ll run across a really good one, and blam!  They take a month off.  That sucks.

 In other news, regarding my ex-husband’s upcoming nuptials, I’ve decided to take the saintly route rather than wonder any longer how he won the contest (it’s not a contest as I’m not participating in dating which makes it extremely hard to get married).  See, when I left him, I did not scar him for life as originally accused.  What I did was set him free from misery, giving him a chance to follow his bliss.  Which he did immediately with some woman in Seattle (this is not the same woman he’s marrying – she is the second woman he dated and is from Indiana but she says Chicago.  No comment), but as my sister put it last night, clearly he needs someone to take care of him which is why he began internet dating approximately sixteen seconds after I left.  Eeewww.  Anyway, I’m sure anyone can see how good and virtuous and saintly it was for me to get out of the way and let him find his true love.  My halo fits quite well, thank you for asking.

Munchkin’s step-mom to be is coming to pick him up tonight since ex-husband will be picking up his sister at the airport.  This is weird.  Do I invite her into the family room?  Or does she stay in the foyer while Munch grabs his stuff?  At my ex’s house, he used to invite me in, but once step-mom moved here last week, he kept me confined to the foyer.  Rude.  And she didn’t even come say hello.  Double rude.  So, I think that in keeping with my new saint-style persona, I will invite her in.  She doesn’t have to come in, but I’ll at least invite her.  And then I’ll let the dog jump on her.  No!  Bad Renee!  Not saintly at all.  Shit, it’s hard to be angelic.

Hunh.  You can’t do a hyperlink in the title section.  Well, Avitable is in my blogroll, so you can click there.  Or just in case, I went ahead and put it here too.  Yeah, I’m starting to feel really bad about always taking these from him!

1. Where is your boy or girl tonight?
My boy child is at his dad’s house.  I don’t have a grown-up boy.

2. Last person you were in the car with?

3. Name something you did yesterday?
I’m trying to think if I did anything out of the ordinary that might be more interesting than eating, drinking Starbucks, or skating.  Well, I did pick the dog up from the vet’s.  He was happy to see us!

4. Last person to message you?

5. What kind of phone do you have?
Well, my phone is in the kitchen, and I’m not, so I’ll tell you what I know.  It’s silver and it flips open and closed.  It’s a few years old and takes really crappy pictures, but I hate changing phones so I tend to keep my phones forever.  I’m only on cell phone number three.  Oh, my phone was one of those Cingular Star Wars phones, so it has Star Wars ring tones that are super annoying.  It was, at the time, a nice phone for cheap because of the whole movie tie-in and stuff.  Very ‘tarded. 

6. How are you feeling right now?
Fat from Thanksgiving and Sun Chips.  Content with life in general, though still annoyed that my fat, bald ex-husband is getting married before me.  My sister pointed out that he needs to be married to have someone take care of him whereas I function quite happily on my own.  So I feel better about that.  My right nostril is stopped up.  My left foot is still numb and a bit swollen from my issue with my skate.  I’m experimenting with different lacing techniques to solve that problem.  I’m feeling nervous about skating tomorrow because my blades were sharpened today, and I hate hate hate freshly sharpened skates.  Man, I wish I could be simple and say, “I feel fine”.

7. What color are your eyes?
Brown unless I’m crying in which case they are bright green.

8. Do you have a chair in your room?
In my bedroom?  No.  That would be nice though, for reading or something.  I’m sure it would turn into another strange place for me to drop dirty clothes.

9. What are you doing tomorrow?
Skating and putting together more dining room chairs.  Oh, and laundry, gross.

10. Do you know anyone named Betsy?

11. What color is your hair?
Fake blonde.

12. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
Yeah, I used to sing all the time before I found out just how poorly I sing.  I also used to do Howard Cosell and Julia Child impersonations.  That’s just embarrassing.

13. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Oh hell no!  And by that I mean a grown-up kiss.  I kissed my son good-bye last night, and I will do that again, as long as he lets me.  He’ll be 13 in January, so I bet my days are numbered.

14. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?

15. Do you play an instrument?

16. Do you like fire?
Fire, fire.  Heh heh heh.  Yeah, I love fire in the fireplace.  I don’t so much like it loose.

17. Are you allergic to anything?
Hell yeah, everything.  I’m allergic to all that is green and floral and outside, dust, pets (not that this has ever stopped me from having pets), milk/dairy, whatever it is that fake Christmas trees are made of (my arms swell up and turn red from touching the green parts, and long sleeves don’t really help.  I’m very careful not to let the tree touch my face), sulfa drugs, and codeine.  Sulfa drugs give me a literally paralyzing headache.  I cannot move.  That scared the shit out of my parents when I had Scarlet Fever and was given a sulfa drug.  The next thing they knew, I was paralyzed and couldn’t tell them what was wrong.  When I’ve accidentally had some sort of sulfa drug as an adult, it’s worse than any migraine I’ve ever had.  For example, Allegra-D (an allergy drug) has a small, supposedly insignificant amount of sulfa drug in it, but it kills me.  I was so pissed at the doctor since it’s on my charts.  They were like, “Yeah, we know, but there’s not much.”  Dumb asses.  That was an old doctor in Houston, not here.  Codeine makes me projectile vomit.  Awesome!

18. Best friend?
My sister is my best friend.

19. Have you ever seen your school counselor?
Yes, for being what they called a “classic underachiever”.  I thought that was really rude.  The reality is that I was bored to tears and had no desire to do any homework to continue with the boredom from earlier in the day.  My parents bribed me with money and a car, etc. to get my grades up, which worked.  After that, they would threaten to take away my car or ballet or everything that meant anything to me if I screwed up.

20. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
Yeah, but then I remembered that I don’t like kids.  Or school.

21. Is anyone jealous of you?
Not that I know of.  I hope not!

22. When was the last time you got flowers?
Gosh, I have to think really hard.  Oh, I know, my dad gave me roses one year at my birthday.  My mom was out of town, so my dad got to be responsible for our fun family fun.  They were really pretty.

23. Where were you 1 hour ago?
On the floor, putting a chair together.

24. Where were you 4 hours ago?
Icing D’s birthday cookies in my kitchen.

25. Has anyone ever told you that they like you more than as a friend?
Yes.  I was relentlessly pursuing this nice boy I worked with at Blockbuster during college.  He finally said, “Look, I just don’t want a girlfriend right now.  But we can still hang out.”  I must say, my ego took it quite well, and we did hang out.  He was fun.

Oh shit, I read that wrong – I thought it said, “Has anyone ever told you they like you only as a friend?”  I feel dumb.  Answering the actual question, no, I haven’t had that experience.  You can usually tell, yes?  Or it’s been mutual and not an issue.

26. Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
Frizzy.  It is sooooooo bad.

27. Who was the last person you drove with?
How is this different than #2?  I guess if they’re asking the last person who drove a car I was riding in, that would be my dad.

28. What are you looking forward to?
Washing off my makeup.  My face is itchy.

29. Do you want to kill someone right now?
Goodness, no!  This is not to say that there aren’t people that I don’t like, but I don’t want to kill them.  Though I will say it’s good that I don’t own a gun because I would shoot people all over the roads.  I would shoot them in the knee though, like Terminator 2.

30. Do you have anything you want to say?
Considering the length of my responses, I think I’m saying everything I want to say.  Oh, my Christmas tree just turned off.  It’s on a timer.  Sad.  That means it’s my bedtime.  Better finish fast! 

31. Who are you jealous of?
Women who are 5’8″ and weigh 105 without trying.  That is so stupid.  I should be jealous of people who are better parents than me or something like that.

32. What did you do this weekend?

Hung out with my family.  Sorry for the weird spacing.  I oopsed.  I also decorated for Christmas after being in the car half the day on Sunday.  Speaking of which, when I drove to my grandparents, following my mom and dad and stopping nine hundred times, it took six hours.  When I drove home on my own, stopping one time, it took four and a half hours.  That is ridiculous.

33. What’s going on for you in November?
Well, it’s almost over, so this week I’m planning on finishing the chairs, doing a couple of flower arrangements, and hanging the window treatments in my room that I bought months ago.  I also have my usual skating and stuff going on.

34. Whats going on for you in December?
Christmas stress.  I mean joy, Christmas joy.  I really do love Christmas with an unfettered, child-like exuberance.  I’m a Christmas dork.

35. What is the worst quality people can have?
Being cruel for nothing more than personal enjoyment.

36. What is your best talent?
Oh gosh.  I don’t know.  I’m very hard on myself, so I have a tendency to think I suck at everything.  When my mom was going through all of her pre-transplant stuff, like “will I die before a liver is available?”, she used to call me to make her laugh.  So I guess that’s a good talent.

37. Who are you angry with?
Nobody right this second.  I’m sure that’ll change tomorrow when I’m out and about.  I did get mad at this lady at Wal-Mart today because she just swept her cart and three children right out in front of me causing me to impale myself on mine.  She smiled in “apology”.  Flow of traffic, lady!  Gosh!!!  I didn’t do anything though.  Big chicken.  I fucking hate Wal-Mart.  Oh, I guess I’m angry with Wal-Mart then.  I was getting a gift card for D because he buys ammo at Wal-Mart.

38. Who’s your role model?
Katharine Hepburn. 

39. What is your biggest problem right now?
I have a Christmas show coming up and I can’t seem to stop eating.  Yikes!!!

I’m trying to post pictures of my dining room table which arrived today, and the chairs, and my dog, and the Christmas decorations, etc.  The issue is that they’re showing up ginormous, like bigger than my computer screen.  I have tried everything I can think of, but they won’t go down to a nice manageable size.  Soooooooo frustrated. 

Aha, I’ve figured it out!  I will copy and paste them rather than trying to be fancy and computer literate and upload the fuckers.  Okay, so that’s the table with a bit of dog in it.  The china is Spode Christmas Tree which my whole family collects.  Lemmings, all of us.

The chairs are a bit of a pain in the ass as I have to put them together myself.  Gross.  Someday, I will have furniture that doesn’t include “Assembly Required” in any way, shape, or form.  I have one finished.  This is it without the cover plus a dog butt:

Unfortunately, I can’t fix the rotation doing this with copy and paste.  I had figured out how to do that the other way though.  Dang it!  I was gonna be so technically wonderful today.  Shit …

This is the chair with a cover and a whole dog:

These are the other chairs:

Classy, eh?  I especially like the bits of Foosball table you can see there.  Yeah, that’s in my formal living room.  Anyone have a blowtorch?  I hate that fucking thing.

This is my Christmas tree with the dog (he actually sat and stayed!):

I probably should’ve shut the window, but oh well.  Okay, this is the mantle:


This is my family cheering for Missouri on Saturday night:

From left to right, Nicki, Mandi, Amber, Tricia, and Phyllis.  Not me since a) I was taking the picture, and b) Fuck Mizzou, Go OU!!!  Nicki works for Kappa Kappa Gamma, Mandi is going to Missouri next fall, Amber is a lawyer in Manhattan (she went to MU for her bachelors and Cornell for her law degree which is also where my grandfather went for his engineering degree in the forties), Tricia is my aunt and their mom, and Phyllis is our grandmother.

This is my bathtub, which I’ve mentioned before is storage for cleaning supplies, the trash can, and recycling.  I had to use the recycling box for something else, so the current recycling is just dropped in the tub.  That’s right, just call me Grace Kelly.  I’m full of charm.

I had also taken one of my sink turned dirty clothes bin, but I can’t get it off my email to paste.  Oh well.  Why I feel the need to share what a pig I am, I will never understand.  Speaking of pigs, don’t buy the Cinnamon Sun Chips.  They are so freaking good that you’ll eat a whole big bag in one sitting and no longer fit in your jeans.  I’m just trying to help.

And finally, this is the desk where I’m currently sitting and typing this:

Sorry about the technical issues!  I suck ass!!!

I figured out the chair situation for my dining room.  I’m just getting boring Parson’s chairs since they’re so easy to slipcover and that way, I can change the look of the room with the seasons or with my whims or whatever.  Look at that – I can be the consummate mind-changing woman.  How fun!

My dear sweet skating friends are taking me out December 1st and getting me schnockered out of my mind as that’s the day my ex-husband is getting remarried.  I’m fine with that, but I do think that if there’s any day in your life that you’re allowed to get memory-erasingly blotto, it’s the day your ex remarries.  I told D that my only requirement for the night was that somebody had to make sure I got back to my house because I have no desire to sleep somewhere strange that night or drive home in the morning.  Plus I have a dog which is pretty much like having a kid except you can be fucked up around your dog.  You do need to be home to let the dog out though.  Now having said that, I seem no longer to be able to get shit-faced because I’ve mastered keeping a good buzz without getting stupid.  So it will probably end up where nobody has to responsible for me, and we all just have a fun night.  Yay!

All of which brings me around to the worst hangover ever:  I went out on a Friday after work with my ex who was not my ex at the time, and I was drinking wine.  Oops.  I thought I was fine, and then I wasn’t.  It was like going from pleasantly buzzing to completely fucking gone in five seconds.  I told him I was going to the car, it was time to go home, and please pay the tab, let’s go.  That’s my memory anyway.  He showed up at the car fifty-two hours later and finally took me home.  I managed not to barf in the car, but as soon as I got to my bathroom, it was coming out.  This is the previous marker for the non-pukage streak, by the way (before the painkiller earlier this year where I learned that apple juice doesn’t qualify as food for pills you have to take with food.  That’s where my current streak starts).  Anyway, I think I passed out after that.  I spent all day Saturday in the bathroom where I learned it really is possible to have it coming out both ends at the same time.  I thought that was a myth.  You just have to pick up a trash can for the front end, and it’s all good.  I spent Sunday in bed trying not to barf again, but really, there was nothing left.  I lost seven pounds that weekend, so yeah, I’d do it all again. 

I cleaned the bathrooms today, and I need to record this for posterity: it took an hour and twenty minutes.  So it’s not that bad.  Next time I’m procrastinating, I just need to remember that it takes less than an hour and a half, so just do it already!  Plus if I’d do it more often, it would take even less time.  My bathroom is by far the worst since a) it’s the master and therefore the largest and contains that stupid bathtub that is used for trash/recycling/dust collecting and takes freaking forever to clean (don’t worry, the trash and recycling go into containers which are stored in the tub, not directly thrown in there.  Though I do miss with nasty cottonballs and Q-Tips more frequently than I care to admit), and b) I don’t know how it happens, but my make-up ends up everywhere.  And I do mean everywhere.  There’s this slightly pink powdery coating on freaking everything.  It’s pretty impressive.  It’s even on the lights.  How???  Tomorrow after Munch gets out of school and I finish skating, we’re dusting and doing the floors, and then the house will be ready for decorating for Christmas next Sunday.  I’m all sorts of excited about that!

Yesterday I felt so crappy at the rink that JoAnne said, “Sometimes you just have to give in and admit you’re sick and take the day off.”  Fine, so here I am, at home, in my bathrobe, drinking shitty homemade coffee.  I want my Starbucks.

She’s right though.  I would’ve either accomplished nothing other than proving I can show up, and everyone already knows I can do that, or I would’ve hurt myself.  I kept getting dizzy yesterday, and let me tell you, skating plus dizzy equals oh fuck.  That’s not a good situation.

So what is making me sick?  I don’t know.  In general, I just feel cruddy.  My nose is pretty snotty, but that’s not unusual considering my year-round allergies.  My head has kind-of hurt for three days.  It’s not bad, it’s just there.  Mostly I just feel lethargic and foggy, more like I’m trying to fight something from getting to me than like I actually have something.

Okay, enough complaining.  I’ve figured out my dog’s tricks.  He rings the bell if he really has to go to the bathroom.  He cries at the door if he wants to go play in the mud.  Haha sucka, you’ve been found out!  No more will I respond to the plea for mud-play.

Here’s a question for the universe.  If there are yellow Labs and black Labs, why are there not brown Labs?  Why are they called Chocolate Labs instead?

This weekend, I have to go to a branch meeting for Longaberger consultants.  It’s at my aunt’s house, so I feel like I have to go.  They’ll have food though, and I think we’re all aware that if there’s food, I’m there.  This one guy that I worked with in college used to marvel at my eating skills.  He used to say that we should just line me up under a conveyor belt with my mouth wide open (and I do have a big mouth) and just let the food fall right in.  I think I said something like, “Sweeeeeet.”  Now I marvel at my former eating skills.  I used to eat a lot!  I can’t eat quite as much anymore.  Sad!  I especially can’t eat so much if I ever want to weigh next to nothing like real ice dancers.

On Sunday, Munchkin and I are going to brunch and then to the Trains at North Park.  I tried to find some good pictures to show, but there aren’t any that really do it justice.  It’s amazing.  They have all these miniature Lionel trains set up with the most elaborate scenery.  I just love it.  So we’ll do that and then go on walkabout through the mall.  My other favorite place at North Park is the Mermaid Cafe in Neiman Marcus.  It’s yum and surprisingly reasonably priced.  They don’t have brunch though, so we’ll probably go to Le Peep.  The only problem with Le Peep is that it’s on the opposite side of town from North Park.  Maybe we’ll go to La Madeleine instead.  It’s actually in the mall.  I’ll have to check with the Munchkin though.  He’s obsessed with all things French, but considering he won’t eat anything remotely adventurous, he may not want to try it.

Ooo, the dog just cried at the door.  I’m not falling for it!

So D is leaving town for Thanksgiving on Saturday, leaving me coachless for the two days available for skating next week.  I’ve got J lined up for Monday, but he has school on Tuesday.  I’m thinking of trying to get Brent for Tuesday.  He was on our softball team too, but came late in the season.  He had to retire from skating because he kept breaking his ankle.  Well, sort of.  That’s like half the story.  He thought he was going to go back, but while he was out with his broken ankle, his former partner went out and found a new partner, a Russian guy who will also remain unnamed.  She didn’t even talk to Brent about it.  Bitch.  That’s just fucking wrong.  Anyway, she ran off with the Russian, and the next thing you know, he’s dumping her.  Ah, karma.  They were together for so short of a time that you can’t even google them and get a site with them together.  You get a bunch with her and Brent though.  And this is why we call it “The Days of our Rink”.  Stupid, yes.  But true. 


My gosh, just look at that ass.  Look at it!  If there’s one thing I can really get on board with, it’s a nice ass.  And skaters have the best asses on the planet.  I can’t think of a sport that makes a nicer butt.  Cyclists have nice asses too, but not quite up to the level of skaters.

D and I had this conversation today, and I’m still not sure how or why it started, but he made some comment about the guy “who asked you to coffee.”

Me:  It wasn’t coffee; it was a game.  I might’ve gone if it were just coffee. *continue to attempt a reasonable facsimile of a Choctaw while failing miserably*  You know what, no, no I would not have gone.

D:  Why not?

Me:  I don’t know, I just don’t want to.

D:  Why?  What’s it going to hurt?

Me:  I don’t know *put my hands in my pockets, shrink into turtle-like shell*.  It just freaks me out.  Look what you’re doing to me just asking about it!

D:  You’re 13, aren’t you.

Me:  Fuck off *13 with a potty mouth apparently and yes, I regularly tell my coach to fuck off*

D:  *gives random Choctaw corrections* I just don’t know what the problem is.  You could ask him for coffee.

Me:  *quit doing Choctaws entirely and stand in middle of rink like complete idiot*  Oh hell no!  No way!  Nuh-uh.  Not going to happen.

D:  Why is this such a big deal?

Me:  Because it is.  It’s scary.  If you go out with someone, then you have to talk to them.

D:  Yeeeaaaahhhh

Me:  And you have to eat in front of them at some point.

D:  *looks at me like all suspicions of me being totally insane have been verified*  Yeah, so?

Me:  You wouldn’t understand.  Anyway, if everything goes well, then at some point you have to think about touching the other person.

D:  Isn’t that the point of being with someone?

Me:  Probably, but I’m not ready for that.  I’d rather stay home by myself.

D:  But it would be good for you to socialize.

Me:  No, it really would not.  I don’t do that.  *patently false – I do socialize, but only with people I already know and hang out with*  You know, I think it’d be easier to just go get laid rather than deal with all the relationship crap.

D:  *looks a bit shocked, heh* Ooookaaay

Me:  Well, it’s easier for girls than for guys.

D:  Yeah, you could just walk in a room *I know he doesn’t mean me specifically, but I may have blushed a little – I’ll take that sort-of compliment on behalf of all women in the world*

All of which leads me to this:  yes, a reasonably attractive woman with a relatively decent body could walk into a place and make her intentions known and successfully get laid that night.  I don’t think guys have it that easy.  Super hot guys, yeah, but not reasonably attractive guys.  That said, I think that in the realm of “Sex and the City”, I am more Charlotte than Samantha, so I’m thinking I’m not going to be going out with the intention of getting laid in this lifetime.  Besides that, I am very very very shy and making those intentions known would probably kill me.

This is the second time we’ve had this conversation.  I don’t want to have it anymore.  So if he brings it up again, I’m going to ignore him.  Or more likely, run away to the bathroom where he can’t follow.

It’s just hard – the thought of being with someone and trusting them and all that.  I have trust issues anyway, but they’ve been worsened by the last couple of years of my life.  I’m pretty gullible though.  There’s a part of me that just doesn’t think that anyone would lie to me, and then I’m shocked, just shocked when they do.  And then I wonder what else they’re hiding or whatever.  Or when they’re going to fuck me over next or hurt me (feelings-wise, not physically).

In the meantime, I’m surrounded every day by glorious skating butts, so I’ll just enjoy looking for now!

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