by Pacer for having an “M” start my fake name.  The game is Ten Things You Might Not Know About Me, so here goes:

1. I currently have some mystery injuries – I mean, I know how I got them in general, but not in the specific.  My chin and sternum are both bruised feeling, but I don’t think they have actual bruises on them.  They’re just sore and busted-up feeling.  I have four teeny tiny bruises, two on one arm, one on the other, and one on my leg that are complete mysteries.  That drives me nuts – having boo-boos and not knowing what the hell I did.  I suppose we should call them Human Whiskey Dents.

2.  Today I let my dog destroy a bunch of decorative ornament boxes.  They hold these Le Bien ornaments (which thankfully are safe and on the tree.  Knock on wood) that I collected over the years.  The ornaments are beautiful, and they’re made by painting the inside of the glass ball or whatever shape with tiny paintbrushes which are inserted through a small hole in the base of the ornament.  The boxes were pretty and velvet, but not anymore.  I felt too shitty to get them away from him.  So once again, my living room floor is covered in dog debris.  In summary, I’m a lazy hungover person.

3.  I haven’t shaved my legs since Wednesday.  Oooo, sexy mama!  I might shave them tomorrow, but really, who knows?

4.  I still haven’t managed to get my hungover ass into the shower, but I did clean up the kitchen.  I can’t stand a dirty kitchen.

5.  When I was little, I played with Barbies.  There was a part of me, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, that thought all women looked like Barbies when they grow up.  Imagine my disappointment!  So yeah, I’m that dork that everyone worries about when they talk about kids having unrealistic expectations for their adult bodies because of Barbie.  

6.  I was so drunk last night that I neglected to brush my teeth or wear my night guard.  I had my flipper in all night though.  I also slept in my jewelry.  That’s just not comfortable.

7.  If I were a lesbian and Jennifer Garner swung that way, I’d sleep with her.

8.  I have a list of about eleventy billion famous men I’d sleep with though, so I think that trumps my one lesbian fantasy tryst and makes me straight.  I do think boobs are awesome though, but I think it’s because mine aren’t very big.  Dicks are way more awesome than boobs.  They just do more stuff, you know?  I’m sorry, I have no idea how I got on that subject.

9.  I always wonder really personal stuff about people when I’m drinking – no, that’s not quite accurate.  I don’t have to be drinking to wonder, but I do have to be drunk to ask the really personal questions.  Like last night, I asked D if he were circumcised and which side he hung to.  What the fuck is that?  Why do I think I need to know this?  He was like, “I’m not telling my student which way I hang.”

10.  In the “Peanuts” cartoons, Lucy once said that dragonflies would sew your mouth shut.  When I was a kid, I totally believed that.  As an adult, it’s the first thing I think of when I see a dragonfly, and there’s a little bit of me that worries.