So remember the girl who hates guns and freaks out about them and was like all militant about not having them in the house, etc etc?  Yeah, well, I’m going to learn how to shoot on Tuesday.  D is going to teach me.  He’s a gun-toting maniac.  I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned this before, but he has quite the arsenal including an AK-47.  That’s the one that impresses me the most.  If I were a dude, I’d get a woody anytime someone said AK-47.  His favorite is his 1911.  I’m going to rent a girlie-fied 9mm.  That’s because I have skinny little arms and he doesn’t want me to have recoil freak-out.  He had considered having me use the 1911, but it’s got a little kick that he thinks may be too much for me.  Obviously we’re going to have a safety lesson and all that before I actually shoot anything, and hopefully that shooting will be limited to the targets.  God help that man if I shoot off my own freaking toes.

While we’re talking about D, I should go into why the little fucker is moving back to New Mexico.  One reason is that his mom is really quite ill, and he wants to be with her.  It has something to do with her lungs.  I asked if anyone had thought about a transplant (which is clearly the answer to everything), but apparently there’s too much other stuff wrong with her for that to be an option.  Basically they’re just trying to find the right combination of drugs to prolong her life.  So I get that – I mean, I lived in Albuquerque when my mom was sick before her liver transplant, and I would’ve done anything to get back to Dallas to be with her.

The second reason is a career one.  The dance market here is pretty much cornered by three big coaches, and so he’s having a tough time getting students.  Plus he has like no freestyle background because he pretty much started out in dance.  He can do a waltz jump, but then again, so can I (uh, sort of).  So that’s not saying much.  What that all means is that he’s not comfortable teaching freestyle so his student pool is quite limited.  He could teach the shit out of some footwork though.  Freestylers are so god-awful sloppy!  In New Mexico, they have the dancers, but no coaches (well, they have one, but she’s like eleventy billion years old and teaches stuff that we don’t do anymore.  She sucks it).  So he’ll have all the business he can handle at two rinks.  I get that too – we all want to make money and have good careers, right?  Oh, he knows he’ll have students because he has them when he goes to visit.  He’ll go for like three weeks at a time and do nothing but teach.  Apparently they’re all jumping for joy that he would be permanent.  I’m so jealous of those bitches that are getting my coach.  Urgh!

So those are the why’s.  I still hate this.  I was so awful to him during lessons on Monday and Wednesday.  Seriously awful.  I called him names, I refused to do stuff he was telling me to do, and I stood there with my arms crossed in the middle of the ice and wouldn’t look at him.  Wow, I am so fucking mature and really very proud of those moments.  He told me yesterday that he very nearly kicked me off the ice.  He said any other self-respecting coach would have and that my attitude was horrible (though in his accent, that word is “haaarrible”.  Also he kept asking me if I really wanted my lesson, which turns out to have been a warning that he was about to kick me off.  Oops, I took that as “Oh, I’m on the right track to pissing him off!  Keep going!”  I kind of wanted to see how far I could push.  I think if I had called him one more name, he would’ve booted me.  Yeah, I’m a big brat.  P.S.  My attitude was better today and I was nice.  There was no name calling.  Karma got me for being an ass by having my trunk hit me in the head when I put my skate bag in yesterday.  It was really windy!

We were texting the other day about my future coaching situation, and I told him I was giving Phillip six months to make me okay with him.  He would have to take me through a test session as well for me to really know if it was going to work.  I freak out during tests and I panic and shake and all that good stuff.  D is able to get me through it (he has a sister who has a lot of my same issues, and I think he just treats me like he does her).  I need to know that Phillip could do the same.  He’d also have to let me have some fun in our lessons because if I’m not having fun, I’ll quit.  Anyway, out of nowhere, D says he’s not sure if it’ll work with Phillip because of all the extra driving I’d have to do.  I don’t get that – if I’m willing to make the 90 minute round trip drive to go with the coach that my current coach is most comfortable with, then what the hell is the problem?  So I texted back that it was either Phillip or I was going to start packing for NM, it was up to him.  He said we still had a lot to talk about with all this, but it was too much to get into over text.  I don’t talk on the phone unless I have to, so we still haven’t talked about it.  We need to soon though, because when D goes to NM the week after next to finalize the details, I want to work with the possible new coach.  So yeah, I kind of need to know who it’s going to be.

I just don’t know how this is going to work.  I cannot wrap my mind around a different coach.  My intention was to be all Brian Boitano about it and have the same coach forever.  D knows how to handle me, and believe me when I say that I’m difficult (see the bratty paragraph for proof).  I’m very OCD, and if I get stuck on something and want to do it over and over, he’ll let me until he starts seeing the freak-show coming on, and then he tells me “No more.  You’re not allowed to do that anymore today, we’re moving on.”  I need that.  I can’t see how it’ll work with someone else.  Who else is going to put up with my bullshit?  I got very lucky in finding the right coach for me on the first try, and now he’s leaving.  Damn it all to hell.