March 2008


I’m going to Albuquerque tomorrow to meet The Parents.  Scary scary scary!  I have to get on a plane too.  And one to come back as well, to which my mom said, “If you freak out and can’t get on the plane to come home, please remember that you aren’t stranded and you can rent a car.”  I’d rather fly than drive this one though.  It takes forever and there are long stretches between civilized areas.  It’s like you’re driving through the set of every Lifetime “Woman in Trouble” movie ever made.  So yeah, I’d rather be afraid for two hours than for twelve.

I started with both of my new coaches this week.  J is one I’ve had before – he would sub when D was out of town.  Nick is new to me, and he’s fun.  He’s very complimentary towards me, and he told the head coach, Pierre, that I have self-esteem issues and I’m too hard on myself.  Duh … but anyway, it’s all working fine.  I still miss having D as my coach though.

Well, that’s a short entry, but really, nothing else exciting is going on here.  Oh yeah, except for this.  My sister’s in Hawaii, but when she gets back, I’m going to KICK HER ASS.  She knew about me and Man-Friend, but I hadn’t told my parents yet.  No need now as she did it for me, which is why my mom knows I’m going this weekend and was able to say what she said up there ^.  Bitch is going down.  Seriously, why did she feel the need to do that?  I was gonna tell them when I was good and ready.  It wasn’t her place.  I’m so pissed!!!

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1. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes, in two and a half weeks.  This waiting is worse than being five and waiting for Santa.  My gosh, could time crawl any slower???

2. Last voicemail you received?
From Anjelica, I think.

3. What did you do yesterday?
I went to lunch and shopping with L.  I ate a cheeseburger.  Again with the cheese!  Then I came home and played Dr. Mario, and then I texted with Man-Friend all night long.

4. What’s the first thing you would do with 5 million dollars?
I’d pay off my teeth and then take a vacation for about three months.  Then I’d invest because I’m boring that way.

5. What color socks are you wearing?
White. They’re running socks, but I don’t run anymore.

6. What are you listening to?
My DVR is playing figure skating.  It’s the men’s short program, and quite frankly is dull, which is why I’m blogging.

7. How many fingers am i holding up?
Uh … two?

8. When’s the last time you cried?
Last night when I was watching “From the Earth to the Moon” for the thousandth time.  It was the second episode, about Apollo One.  The scene of Roger Chaffee’s wife with that silent tear running down her cheek kills me.

9. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Absolutely.  I wouldn’t have been a teenager without having crawled through at least one window.

10. What do you spend most of your money on?
Skating, definitely skating.  It’s making me poor.

11. Who has your heart?
Man-Friend, utterly and completely.

12. Have you ever kissed two people in the same day?
Everytime I visit my family I get kissed by more than one person, and no, I don’t mean in that Appalachian way, thanks.

13. Do you like yourself?
You can’t win if you answer that question.  If you say no, then you’re a depressed fuck.  If you say yes, you’re a snotty bitch.  I would say that I get on my own nerves though.

14. What objects are around you right now?
The bills I just paid, a remote control, a bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper (I’m out of Diet Big Red and too lazy to fix it), a house phone, a cell phone, a box of Kleenexes, a tennis ball, and a sleeping dog.  I love him when he’s asleep.

15. What’s your middle name?
Renee, and it’s what everyone calls me.

I’m supposed to be skating, but I was up til 4 am on the phone (well, texting very naughty messages) with Man-Friend.  Since I didn’t make it to the rink, I’m supposed to be cleaning my wreck of a house.  I’ve unloaded the dishwasher and started a load of laundry, but the rest is kind of overwhelming, so I’m on the internetz instead.  Very productive.

Anyway, after all the texting, I woke up this morning really missing him.  I love waking up all intertwined with him.  We’re cuddle-bitches.  So to get myself out of the mopey-missing-him mood, I decided to think about the two things that are good about him not being here.  I’m amazed I could come up with anything, but here they are:

1.  I can eat all the damn cheese I want.  I’m lactose intolerant, but I love love love cheese.  I think I love it more than that Amy girl from Big Brother 2 (?) – the one with Marcellas.  I feel like it was 2, but I could easily be wrong.  When M-F is here, I don’t eat anything with cheese or creamy sauce or milk or anything else that would cause me to blow him out of the house with my lactose intolerant ass.  It’s so gross.  The night before last, I ate cheese enchiladas.  They are one of my all-time favorite foods, and they were fucking awesome until … ew.  No details necessary.  So it’s a good thing he wasn’t here for that.

2.  I don’t have to shave.  This may not seem like a big deal, but a) I’m not a natural blonde and I have very dark leg hair and very pale skin.  Even when I do shave, you can see the root dots on my legs.  Yuck.  And b) I’m a hairy monkey child.  I have enough hair for about three people.  I could give Adam Avitable a run for his money, and he is one hairy mo-fo.  I tried bikini waxing a while back, even going so far as to have a Brazilian for some time (and yes, it freaking hurt like childbirth).  The problem with waxing me is that I don’t get the promised four to six weeks.  No, I get maybe four days.  FOUR days, people!  Gosh!!!  I can’t ever go on Survivor no matter how bad I want to because they’d vote me off just having the nastiest bikini line ever.  For now, I figure I’ll shave on Saturdays just to keep from really turning into an ape, and then right before I go to New Mexico, I’ll weed-whack everything. 

So yeah, here I am sitting at my super dusty kitchen table because my desk is covered in crap, not cleaning my house and still unshowered and in jammies.  It’s 2:36 in the afternoon.  I’m disgusting.  Disgusting and I have leg hair so long you could braid it.  Oh, sexy mama! 

P.S.  I’ve added the man-friend category but haven’t gone back through to mark the other posts with it.  I’ll get around to it when I’m delaying cleaning out the garage or something.

Before I start the update, I have a story.  I busted my ass yesterday on backwards crossovers.  Again!  I hadn’t fallen in around three months, so I figure I was due.  It was the same thing it always is – I brought my toe in too close to my heel, and the blades hit, and splat.  And these are dance blades.  There is no fucking tail on them, so I’m bringing everything in really close to be able to hit.  Dude, it hurt so fucking much.  I think I hit bone.  So yeah, my ass still hurts today and I’m sitting and walking funny.  I’m gimpy.  Miss Emily was cracking up.  I’m not sure why it amuses all the coaches so much when I fall.  My hope is that I usually look graceful or something, so when I fall it’s unexpected and laughable.  I’m sure that’s the opposite of true though.

Anyway, here’s the update.  We all went out on Saturday night for Man-Friend’s good-bye party.  I had a horrible stomachache beforehand, but was fine once we got going.  We went to a country bar to see this guy play that J likes.  He was good.  I realized that I had seen them once before with these guys, but it was before M-F and I got together.  We hung out with everyone for a while, and then went off on our own so we could just sit and be together.  It was nice.

Later, our Russian friend, S, told me, “You know he likes you, right?”  I was like, yeah, I know.  Then he goes, “You know he more than likes you, yeah?”  So I dragged S off to get more information which really just consisted of me telling him that I more than like M-F as well.  He was telling me that M-F is a great guy and all that, but I already know that too.  So we went back over to everyone else and S tells M-F that he thinks we should just get married already and start having puppies.  Oh my God.

The last song the band played was a slow one, and we danced.  Neither of us normally dances seeing as how we’ve always been choreographed for (my background is actually ballet), but we did it.  I’m telling you, it was the single most romantic thing I’ve ever done in my life.  I was completely melty.  It was all those things you hear, like it felt like we were the only two people there even though we were periodically jostled and all that stuff.  I’m not at all a romantic person, but I was oozy mush.

We ended up staying at J and L’s since they live a lot closer to M-F than I do.  We didn’t get much sleep for a few reasons that I won’t get into since I’m not tacky that way, ha, but key among them was that I had to have him home by 6:30 at the latest since his dad wanted to hit the road.  It was so hard to drop him off.  I was like, “Fuck this shit, I’m kidnapping you.”  He said they’d know where to find him anyway.  I was kind of glad his dad wasn’t out there because my hair was a disaster.

Driving home was awful.  I was crying and my hair was all crazy, so I had to look freshly released from the nuthouse.  I went back to bed when I got home.  Around the time I woke up, he woke up from sleeping in the car and we texted the rest of the day.  Then we talked on the phone that night.  That seems to be our routine now.  It’s a good thing I switched to unlimited texting!

Monday in stroking class, J and I did nothing but talk about M-F.  Seriously nothing.  It was bad.  We’re so sad though!  M-F said it sounded like a wake.  It felt like one too.  But J told me something interesting.  He goes, “Did he tell you he told his parents about you?”  No!!!  No, he did not tell me that!  Apparently his dad didn’t say much about it, but he’s generally quiet anyway.  His mom was excited though.  Hee!  He still hasn’t told me that though.  He’s so funny about that stuff. 

I think we’ve thoroughly hashed out M-F’s inability to express his feelings unless super-drunk, but he did tell me before he left that he does like me and that he would miss me.  Today I got a text that said, “I miss u”.  So sweet!  It means a lot to me for him to say it because he won’t say stuff like that very often.  So when he does, I think he really means it – it’s not auto-pilot.  I miss him too.  I have at least one crying jag a day, to which he says that I don’t need to be sad because I’ll see him again in less than three weeks.  It needs to go by much much much faster because this sucks ass. 

So for now, I’m trying not to eat my way through this.  I still have accomplished nothing around here, and in fact, my house is far dirtier than I’ve ever seen it.  The dog ate a hockey puck the other day, and there’s little bits of vulcanized rubber all over the place.  My OCD ass does not care at the moment.  I’m coachless this week other than for classes, so I’ve been a bit lazy with the skating as well.  I start with the new coaches on Monday, and I won’t be able to miss any days during the week because I now have either coaching or classes scheduled for everyday.  That should help!  Hopefully I won’t bust my ass again before I go to New Mexico. 

Humorous Pictures
see more crazy cat pics

In the category of people are really weird, the following term was used to find my blog:

“mature ladies in cotton briefs,pics”

How that happened I cannot even begin to guess.  I’m pretty sure I’ve never written about mature ladies in cotton briefs, and I know I’ve never written about pictures of them or posted pictures of old ladies in granny panties.  Dude, that’s just sick.

I have many updates on the Man-Friend situation, but they’ll have to wait until later.  I’m getting ready to go to Anjelica’s so she can color my hair, yay!  I’ve got Jersey Skank-Ho roots right now and cannot face myself in the mirror.

Man-Friend and I have decided to try this thing long-distance.  When I told Anjelica, she goes, “He’s your boyfriend now!”  I got the yips from that.  I don’t say that word – it freaks me out.  I much prefer Man-Friend.

Anyway, what we decided is that we’ll do the back and forth thing, and then if everything is working the way we want it, I’ll move out there.  That’s right, me, back in that hell-hole of a state.  I knew there was a reason I kept my copy of “Hikers and Climbers Guide to the Sandias”.  Gak, they have state income tax too.  I think I’ve made my feelings on paying taxes quite clear – though I’m sure I’m not alone in hating them.  They tax food there too.  We don’t do that in Texas, and we don’t have state income tax either.  Why they need both is beyond me, but whatever. 

We were talking about our families and stuff, and his sounds like so much fun.  I have to pass the test of one of his sister’s though (if she doesn’t like me, I’m dead in the water.  It’s nerve-wracking because people either love me or hate me, pretty much on sight).  I’m afraid.  Apparently she’ll kick my ass if I’m not doing things right with him.  I was like, “I’m a nice person, damn it!  I’m fun.  I make people play games.  And I will keep you in the world’s best chocolate chip cookies!”  We’ll see how I fit in though.  That’s important – I had a boyfriend who didn’t fit in with my family, and it was a fucking nightmare.

He’s coming over tonight after having dinner with his dad who is in town to drive back with him.  They’re loading up his dad’s truck and towing M-F’s car behind.  I’m going to make cookies for them to take on the road.  Tomorrow night we’re having the big going-away bash, and then he leaves on Sunday morning.  Sucktacular!!!  I’m going shopping with L on Sunday so I don’t sit around here boo-hooing like a teenaged girl.  Then I’ll start on all the projects around the house I’ve been neglecting so that time passes quickly until I go visit.

So that’s the plan – I’m excited but slightly scared.  I like him really a lot and would hate for this not to work out.  I don’t mind the thought of living in New Mexico even though I make fun of the whole state and always will because it is seriously fucked in the head, but it’s just scary to think of all the steps in between.  I’m going to take it one step at a time.  I don’t think he’s got any problem whatsoever with going slow, so it’s all good.  Yay!!!

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