I’m supposed to be skating, but I was up til 4 am on the phone (well, texting very naughty messages) with Man-Friend.  Since I didn’t make it to the rink, I’m supposed to be cleaning my wreck of a house.  I’ve unloaded the dishwasher and started a load of laundry, but the rest is kind of overwhelming, so I’m on the internetz instead.  Very productive.

Anyway, after all the texting, I woke up this morning really missing him.  I love waking up all intertwined with him.  We’re cuddle-bitches.  So to get myself out of the mopey-missing-him mood, I decided to think about the two things that are good about him not being here.  I’m amazed I could come up with anything, but here they are:

1.  I can eat all the damn cheese I want.  I’m lactose intolerant, but I love love love cheese.  I think I love it more than that Amy girl from Big Brother 2 (?) – the one with Marcellas.  I feel like it was 2, but I could easily be wrong.  When M-F is here, I don’t eat anything with cheese or creamy sauce or milk or anything else that would cause me to blow him out of the house with my lactose intolerant ass.  It’s so gross.  The night before last, I ate cheese enchiladas.  They are one of my all-time favorite foods, and they were fucking awesome until … ew.  No details necessary.  So it’s a good thing he wasn’t here for that.

2.  I don’t have to shave.  This may not seem like a big deal, but a) I’m not a natural blonde and I have very dark leg hair and very pale skin.  Even when I do shave, you can see the root dots on my legs.  Yuck.  And b) I’m a hairy monkey child.  I have enough hair for about three people.  I could give Adam Avitable a run for his money, and he is one hairy mo-fo.  I tried bikini waxing a while back, even going so far as to have a Brazilian for some time (and yes, it freaking hurt like childbirth).  The problem with waxing me is that I don’t get the promised four to six weeks.  No, I get maybe four days.  FOUR days, people!  Gosh!!!  I can’t ever go on Survivor no matter how bad I want to because they’d vote me off just having the nastiest bikini line ever.  For now, I figure I’ll shave on Saturdays just to keep from really turning into an ape, and then right before I go to New Mexico, I’ll weed-whack everything. 

So yeah, here I am sitting at my super dusty kitchen table because my desk is covered in crap, not cleaning my house and still unshowered and in jammies.  It’s 2:36 in the afternoon.  I’m disgusting.  Disgusting and I have leg hair so long you could braid it.  Oh, sexy mama! 

P.S.  I’ve added the man-friend category but haven’t gone back through to mark the other posts with it.  I’ll get around to it when I’m delaying cleaning out the garage or something.

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