Before I start the update, I have a story.  I busted my ass yesterday on backwards crossovers.  Again!  I hadn’t fallen in around three months, so I figure I was due.  It was the same thing it always is – I brought my toe in too close to my heel, and the blades hit, and splat.  And these are dance blades.  There is no fucking tail on them, so I’m bringing everything in really close to be able to hit.  Dude, it hurt so fucking much.  I think I hit bone.  So yeah, my ass still hurts today and I’m sitting and walking funny.  I’m gimpy.  Miss Emily was cracking up.  I’m not sure why it amuses all the coaches so much when I fall.  My hope is that I usually look graceful or something, so when I fall it’s unexpected and laughable.  I’m sure that’s the opposite of true though.

Anyway, here’s the update.  We all went out on Saturday night for Man-Friend’s good-bye party.  I had a horrible stomachache beforehand, but was fine once we got going.  We went to a country bar to see this guy play that J likes.  He was good.  I realized that I had seen them once before with these guys, but it was before M-F and I got together.  We hung out with everyone for a while, and then went off on our own so we could just sit and be together.  It was nice.

Later, our Russian friend, S, told me, “You know he likes you, right?”  I was like, yeah, I know.  Then he goes, “You know he more than likes you, yeah?”  So I dragged S off to get more information which really just consisted of me telling him that I more than like M-F as well.  He was telling me that M-F is a great guy and all that, but I already know that too.  So we went back over to everyone else and S tells M-F that he thinks we should just get married already and start having puppies.  Oh my God.

The last song the band played was a slow one, and we danced.  Neither of us normally dances seeing as how we’ve always been choreographed for (my background is actually ballet), but we did it.  I’m telling you, it was the single most romantic thing I’ve ever done in my life.  I was completely melty.  It was all those things you hear, like it felt like we were the only two people there even though we were periodically jostled and all that stuff.  I’m not at all a romantic person, but I was oozy mush.

We ended up staying at J and L’s since they live a lot closer to M-F than I do.  We didn’t get much sleep for a few reasons that I won’t get into since I’m not tacky that way, ha, but key among them was that I had to have him home by 6:30 at the latest since his dad wanted to hit the road.  It was so hard to drop him off.  I was like, “Fuck this shit, I’m kidnapping you.”  He said they’d know where to find him anyway.  I was kind of glad his dad wasn’t out there because my hair was a disaster.

Driving home was awful.  I was crying and my hair was all crazy, so I had to look freshly released from the nuthouse.  I went back to bed when I got home.  Around the time I woke up, he woke up from sleeping in the car and we texted the rest of the day.  Then we talked on the phone that night.  That seems to be our routine now.  It’s a good thing I switched to unlimited texting!

Monday in stroking class, J and I did nothing but talk about M-F.  Seriously nothing.  It was bad.  We’re so sad though!  M-F said it sounded like a wake.  It felt like one too.  But J told me something interesting.  He goes, “Did he tell you he told his parents about you?”  No!!!  No, he did not tell me that!  Apparently his dad didn’t say much about it, but he’s generally quiet anyway.  His mom was excited though.  Hee!  He still hasn’t told me that though.  He’s so funny about that stuff. 

I think we’ve thoroughly hashed out M-F’s inability to express his feelings unless super-drunk, but he did tell me before he left that he does like me and that he would miss me.  Today I got a text that said, “I miss u”.  So sweet!  It means a lot to me for him to say it because he won’t say stuff like that very often.  So when he does, I think he really means it – it’s not auto-pilot.  I miss him too.  I have at least one crying jag a day, to which he says that I don’t need to be sad because I’ll see him again in less than three weeks.  It needs to go by much much much faster because this sucks ass. 

So for now, I’m trying not to eat my way through this.  I still have accomplished nothing around here, and in fact, my house is far dirtier than I’ve ever seen it.  The dog ate a hockey puck the other day, and there’s little bits of vulcanized rubber all over the place.  My OCD ass does not care at the moment.  I’m coachless this week other than for classes, so I’ve been a bit lazy with the skating as well.  I start with the new coaches on Monday, and I won’t be able to miss any days during the week because I now have either coaching or classes scheduled for everyday.  That should help!  Hopefully I won’t bust my ass again before I go to New Mexico. 


I’ve been having computer issues all week.  My laptop is not responding to ctrl-alt-delete when I turn it on.  There were three days when it did nothing at all.  Then yesterday, when I got bored and sat there for like half an hour banging away at those three pesky buttons, it finally went, “Oh, okay, I’m like supposed to let you in.”  Fucker.  Today I’ve been on three separate times, and it took a variety of tries to get in.  First it was hold all three keys down for a really long time.  Second it was just keep trying.  And third, it was one try.  Great success!

It’s probably just as well that I haven’t been able to get on because I have nothing to report.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  I have quit ballroom because I just don’t have time for it.  Something had to give and it wasn’t going to be ice dancing, ballet, or softball.  What an odd combo.  Ballroom would make more sense, but well, whatever.  I was only taking ballroom to get a better idea of the character of the ice dances I’m testing anyway, and my coach should be able to give me that.  The ballroom people wanted to turn me into a ballroom dancer which is nice and all, but not what I want right now, and certainly not what I have time for!

Softball-wise, we lost 19-1 on Thursday night.  It could’ve been worse, but they mercy-ruled us.  I screwed up by not tagging the guy on my base – I had no idea I was supposed to, and what’s funny about that is I watch a lot of baseball.  Maybe I should pay better attention.  I think I had a fielding error as well, but I don’t remember for sure.  Yeah, I did.  The ball hit me in the foot (ouch!) and I was too busy being a drama queen about all the pain to pick up the stupid ball and throw it.  I got one try at hitting where I was thrown out at first.  Running faster might have been a good idea, but lalala I’m no Superman.  Maybe hitting it further would’ve worked.  Either way, I was out.  Bummer!  And I had hit so well in practice.  As a team, we clearly didn’t hit well or anything else for that matter.  We’re supposed to practice fielding situations tomorrow, but I’m going to the Rangers game in the afternoon so I don’t know if I’ll actually make practice.  Also, the Cowboys are playing at 7 (not that I care – football sucks unless it’s collegiate), so I don’t know if anyone else will bother showing up.

I was watching the Ladies Final of the US Open just now.  Not good.  It’s such a letdown when the final is so short and sucky.

My coach is going out of town in October for two weeks.  I’m seriously annoyed.  I have a test two weeks after he gets back.  We’ve already decided to pull out of one test (Swing Dance) because, and I quote my oh-so-honest coach, “Every time I go out of town, you fall apart, and I don’t think we have time to pull it back together once I get back.”  Sad but true.  This is why I hate it when he leaves.  What really sucks is I had this dance down in May, but once summer hit and my ice time shriveled, it went away and we decided not to test anything last month.  It’s coming back and would’ve been ready, but now with him leaving … no way.  He’s right.  So we’ll just test my ChaCha.  I’m looking forward to it because I’m sick to death of that dance and I don’t want to have to do it anymore.  I did it in Exhibition a year ago.  My Fiesta Tango is way too sloppy to consider at the moment.

You know, it can get kind of frustrating knowing there are people out there who test up to Pre-Silvers in two years or less, and here I am after sixteen months only testing Pre-Bronze dances.  On the other hand, our judges here are pretty picky so you want to be very well prepared before testing (these tests aren’t cheap, and why give US Figure Skating any more money than I have to?).  Also, my coach and I are perfectionists, and neither one of us wants to present a dance to the judges before everything is 100% right.  So it makes me a slow tester.  I just worry that people online (there’s an Ice Dancing forum I belong to) who know I’ve been skating for 16 months and have only tested out of Prelim Dance think that I suck or something.  Well, I do suck.  I’ve only been doing this for 16 months, and therefore, am supposed to suck.  The good news is that I know two of the Bronze dances already, and we’ve been working on the outside-outside Mohawk that goes in the third dance, so once I get out of Pre-Bronze, it’s just a matter of getting those three dances test ready, not learning them too.  Hopefully it won’t take a freaking year!

Anjelica did my hair color this week, but we had a bit of an oops.  She accidentally used a toner rather than an actual color, so I’m a little red right now.  It’s supposed to be blonde.  Very very blonde.  For two days, I would pass mirrors and go, “It’s orange!”, but it’s starting to grow on me.  I used to have reddish hair, but my gray didn’t take the dye well and would turn pink.  My gray is in two giant streaks at my temples, so it’s not like I had a few pink hairs here and there.  I had pink skunk stripes.  That’s when I decided to go blonde.  And I say, if you’re going to be bleached blonde, go all the way.  I’m doing a hair show for her on Tuesday where she’ll cut it.  That’ll be fun.  We’ll fix the color in six weeks which is what her superstar color guy at the salon said to do.  It’s not like it’s an ugly color or anything – it’s just not nearly-white blonde like I’m used to.  That’s okay.  Change is good.

Hey, spellcheck works again.  Hooray!!!

So I had my first group lesson in ballroom on Monday.  It was … interesting.  They lined us up with the women on one side and the men on the other, and the women rotated through the men so that everyone danced with everyone else.  We had No-Bones-Guy who was like dancing with marshmallow goo.  I could sqoosh right through his frame.  Next was Sweaty-Palms-Guy.  No explanation necessary there, but ick!  There were two guys who counted outloud.  I can kind of understand that because when I’m working on an ice dance alone, I do count outloud.  When I’m with my coach though, there is no counting outloud.  So I vote that when you dance with someone, you count inside your head.  There was also Bore-Your-Eyes-Through-the-Back-of-My-Skull-Guy.  He freaked me out.  I thought I was feeling a little violated until I go to the last one who was Hi-I’m-Wearing-a-Gallon-of-Cologne-and-I’m-Going-to-Stare-at-Your-Boobs-the-WHOLE-Time-Guy.  Ack ack ack!  I was like, “Hey, Fella, eyes up here!”  But I didn’t have the balls to say anything to him.  It was horrible!  Now if I’m being generous, I might say it wasn’t entirely his fault that he stared at my boobs because that’s about where he came to on me (and, hello, I’m only like 5’4″ or so!).  However, he did occassionally pop his head up and look at me with this total Lester the Molester grin.  Then sure enough, those eyes would drift back to my boobs.  Gaggers.  And these people expect me to come back for more group lessons.  *shudders at the thought*

In other news, I was right about D not doing anything about that whole situation from last Thursday.  Everything is back to normal.  Though I have to say it’s kind of like normal with a twist.  Sunday was not at all normal.  See, I really realized what I had done what with the ass-grabbing and all, and I could NOT look him in the eye.  I could barely say “hi”.  So I spent the entire practice avoiding talking to him or being within 50 feet of him.  Can anyone say “awkward”???  Gak, it was just awful!  I think in the entire practice we exchanged four sentences.  Once it was over, I hung around for about thirty seconds so as to not give the impression that I was fleeing the scene, but that’s precisely what I did.  Monday was another very professional lesson.  I had my new skates on for the first time, so we were spending the whole time doing things to get a feel for the boots and blades, so we were quite occupied.  Tuesday he was teaching my friend Stephanie, so we talked just a bit when they were taking a break and then again when he was leaving, but it was all about my skates.  Tuesday night there was a little bit of sexually charged texting going on (it was about the cartoon chickitas painted on the bottom of my skates and very silly).  I’m glad we had that though because today was much more normal with comments about me arse sticking out all over the place.  He didn’t say things like, “Your rear end is in the wrong position”.  It was more like, “Get your ass down” and some goofy joke about my ass sticking out.  So that was good – much more relaxed.  I met him and J at the batting cages tonight and all was very normal.  I’m glad about that.  I don’t know – it’s so weird.  Normal but still weird.  I kind of hate it when someone knows that I’ve had thoughts about them.  But then again, if they don’t know, then they don’t know it’s okay for them to ask you out or whatever.  However, in this case, since he’s never going to ask me out, it’s just the big suck that he knows.  On the other hand, I know that he’s talked to people about this as well, so maybe he’s embarrassed too.  Or maybe, and I’m going out on a limb here, maybe I’m overanalyzing this and I need to get over my bad self and find my 42-year-old triathlete that I want.  Urgh!!!  But yeah, my final analysis of the whole thing is that he’s never going to do anything, and I’m not willing to put myself on the line like that, so I’m not going to do anything either.  Therefore, nothing will happen.  Okay!  I hope I’m done talking about this.  It’s really stupid!

So I woke up this morning and went downstairs to let the dog out of his crate (he sleeps in it, isn’t he good?  You may want to wait to answer that) and let him outside.  As soon as I opened my bedroom door, I knew something was very, very wrong.  Mmm-hmm, stench.  I got to the kitchen, and there was Magnus in his crate of poo.  Every surface, every toy, his bed, his blanket, and the dog himself was covered in liqui-poo.  He had an assplosion of biblical proportions.  Not only was all that other stuff covered, but the poo had spilled outside the crate and was on my kitchen floor.  I believe I’ve mentioned before how I feel about kitchen cleanliness – yeah, mine needs to be washed in kerosene now.

 Anyway, I got the dog outside and went about cleaning the crate.  A smart person would’ve said, “Hey, I ought to take this crate outside and go after it with a hose.”  Well, you know what?  I hadn’t had caffeine yet, so I thought, “Hey, I just have to get on my hands and knees with a trash bag, dog bath wipes, dog accident spray, and paper towels.”  I’m very sorry for all the trees I unnecessarily used up on dog poo today.  I feel really bad about that.  It had to be at least a zillion.  I am so dumb!  Yeah, so rather than using a hose for five minutes, I was on the floor for almost an hour and I single-handedly destroyed half a rain-forest.  I’m going to hell.

Meanwhile, the dog is launching himself at the back door which is one of those doors that’s like ninety percent glass.  I was pretty sure I was going to have a dead dog by the end of the morning.  KABLAM!!!  Sit and pant.  Back up.  Launch.  KABLAM!!!  It was pretty disconcerting.  Um, oh yeah, he was also barking and crying.  This was apparently just too much for me because I ended up in a heap on the floor with my paper towels and dog accident spray, trying to clean poo out of the tile grout, crying hysterically and hyperventillating.  Me, hysterical over poo.  I have a kid.  I have cleaned up some disgusting bodily fluids (freshly puked parmesan is a smell that ought to be reserved for people like, gosh, I can’t think of anyone rotten enough.  Oh, OJ Simpson.  Okay).  I have never, ever cried like a two year old over cleaning up gross stuff.  You just do it and get on with your day.  Nope, not today.  I just couldn’t deal with this first thing in the morning.  It was a lot of shit.  Really, a lot!

The crate was finally cleaned to my satisfaction (for now – I think this weekend it’s going outside for a good general bath), and it was on to the toys and bed and blanket.  Anything that could be washed has been through the washer five times on hot.  So put me down for hellacious enviromental behavior in the category of water-and-energy-wastage too.  Fuck!  I hate it when I have to be bad like that.  Magnus’s bed was a loss.  There was just no way to clean it.  He was about twenty pounds too heavy for it, but he’s a Lab and therefore thinks he weighs seven, so he was still using it.  He doesn’t like his big-boy bed so much.

Okay, so the reason he had so much poo was his tummy is still upset from being boarded.  He seems fine now – he has lots of energy and his appetite is fine, but holy crap, has he ever got the farts!  Ack.  Gaggers.  I just wish he would’ve cried or barked or something so I would’ve known he needed to go outside before the whole incident.  Actually, I’m assuming he didn’t because I’m a light sleeper, and I feel like I would’ve heard it.  We’ve never had this situation before though.  Maybe he just didn’t know what to do.  Poor puppy!  Eeewww, maybe he did cry and I didn’t hear it and I’m the worst dog-mommy ever.  Oh, I hope not!!!

In other news, I got the call that my new skates have arrived in town (I texted my coach with this “Oh my gosh guess what jamie called and my skates are here and my fitting is saturday and i’m all excited and squeeeee!”).  As you may ascertain, I’m quite thrilled about this.  Seriously, when Jamie called and told me, I about fell off my seat.  And I was driving (*lectures self for talking and driving* but self answers back with “I was at a stoplight!”), so falling off my seat was really impressive.  I didn’t expect them for at least another month.  I must have been first in line when the Harlick people got back from vacation.  My order went in the day before they left.  So yeah, I’m a spazz.  I’m a little nervous too though.  I’ve never had dance blades before or a dance heel lift, so my weight will be distributed differently.  I’ve been such a mess all summer though that, you know, what the hell?  Why not get all the messy ugly stuff out of the way now?  I just hope I don’t make too much of an ass out of myself. 

Oh, and I almost forgot – I have my first ballroom lesson on Tuesday, yay!  It’s at Arthur Murray, so I wonder if they’ll have those funny little feet diagrams.  I’m such a dork that I would love that.

Note to WordPress again:  Spellcheck is not working though it did for one minute sometime last week.  Plz halp!!!

It’s going to be 107 degrees here today (I knew we’d pay for the lovely wet weather we’ve had all summer eventually).  If I’m going to work out today, I need to do it soon, but I have a headache, so I’m hanging out on the internet instead.  What I’ve found so far is that the Runner’s World website is going to kill me because it’s so freaking slow.  I kind of want to throw my computer across the room right now.  I’m waiting for the shoe finder page to load.  See, I’ve had all these problems – I’ve sprained my right ankle twice, my Achilles tendon hurts, and my knee hurts (all on the right side).  I’m a little freak, so of course I’m an underpronater.  That just means that I hit the outside of my foot and don’t roll to the inside properly, so it’s hard on my knees and Achilles.  I guess that makes it hard on my ankles too, but the point is that it’s gotten to the point that I am no longer running.  I’m walking which makes me feel like a little old lady.  Unacceptable!  So I’m checking to see if I can find some shoes that’ll fix the problem.  My current shoes are Asics Gel Kayanos which are supposed to be awesome but are clearly not working for me.

Okay, so after eleventy billion minutes, my 26 pairs of shoes popped up, and one pair was for underpronators.  Nice.  So I will compare them to four other pairs that are for neutral foot people but which are highly rated.  Let’s see.  Okie dokie, it looks like I’d have to go with this one.  The neutral shoes just won’t work.  The nice thing here is that this shoe is $85 whereas the Gel Kayanos are $135.  Yay!  Now I’ll have to sneak in the running without telling my coach who has twice forbidden running.  He’s just paranoid about the knee and ankle issues.  I’m paranoid about fat.  Fat trumps bad knees, so I win!

This is a hello to the WordPress people even though I’m pretty sure they don’t read my drivel – your website is bugging me today too.  You know I’ve been having problems with the spellchecker for months now, and today I’m typing along, nothing shows up on the page, and then all of a sudden everything pops up.  It’s a little disconcerting, especially since I’m a horrible speller and who knows what I’m spelling when I can’t see it?  And no, I don’t think it’s my computer because the Runner’s World site is always slow (though it’s more annoying today than on some other days) so you can’t use that as proof that it’s me.  Plus this sometimes happens with your site.  Help help!

Here is what I need to do today – workout (walk, weights, and core), shower, go to Target, do laundry, vacuum dog hair (I don’t have carpet – I have a layer of dog hair instead, ick), and work with Magnus on sit and stay with lots of distractions which means take him to Petsmart and work with him in the treats aisle.  The fish aisle also works well because the tanks make a high-pitched sound that humans can’t hear but which drives the dogs bonkers.  I can’t find his leash right now though.  When I took him to the vet for boarding, I know they gave it back to me.  I just can’t figure out what I did with it.  Urgh!  He could use some new chew toys too.

Here’s what I want to do today: nothing.  At least until the headache goes away.  I’d like to go back to bed for a while, but I’m not so good at sleeping during the day.  Bummer!  If my headache went away, what I would like to do today is take a ballroom class.  The teacher at the rink sucks though.  That’s what I hear anyway.  Since I am currently partnerless, I don’t take ballroom.  My coach could take it with me, but since he’s also currently partnerless, he’s not taking anything he doesn’t have to.  He calls it a sabbatical.  I call it lazy butt (says the girl who’s sitting on the couch rather than working out).  Anyway, he says the ballroom teacher last year was much better.  He was Russian.  The one now is this older woman who treats everyone like they’re five years old.  Needless to say, when you peek in on the class, you see lots of eye-rolling and unhappy looking students.  I wonder if you have to have a partner for one of the ballroom schools or if they can hook you up with someone for the classes?  Ah, the answer is you don’t have to have a partner.  They just put you in private lessons!  Boo, expensive.  Maybe I’ll call later anyway.  This is something I really want to do.

Okay, that’s all for now.  I can’t deal with this website anymore today!