diet


My grandparents are coming into town tomorrow to check out another retirement place.  My grandfather was ready for this move a long time ago, but my grandmother is reluctant.  I don’t blame her – I would HATE this.  That said, I think it’s the right thing to do.  My grandfather has macular degeneration and is going to need lots of help, and my grandmother has her health issues as well (they’re both over 85 years old).  They’ve just been so independent for so long that it’s got to be hard to face this.  Anyway, we’ll have a dinner thing tomorrow night at my aunt’s house and another one on Sunday at my parent’s house.  On Saturday they’re going to check out the place.  It’s not like a retirement home per se.  It’s like condos with different levels of assisted living.  Personally, I think it’s pretty fucking depressing even if it does need to be done.  I don’t want to die, but man, I don’t want to be ooolllddd.

My Saturday will be more fun than theirs I think.  I’m going to a dinner party with a bunch of skating people.  The party is being given by one of the adult skaters for a friend of hers who is in town.  Most of the people there are going to be pretty old (and by that I mean relative to our group – these people are in their 50s and we’re not).  So when things die down, we’re going to come back to my house for a real party, yay! 

Sadly, at my own party I can’t really drink much because on Sunday, I’m going shooting again.  I don’t think I’d do well hungover.  D and I were trying to figure out what kind of gun I would use this time, but we failed.  We’ve decided to just wait and see what they have.  All I know is I wasn’t thrilled with the XD, but I have no frame of reference, so what do I know?  He asked me what I didn’t like, and I said the noise and the kick.  He goes, “Well, that’s kind of going to be all guns.”  Oh.  I guess I have to get used to it then. 

So that’s my upcoming weekend in a nutshell.  Tomorrow is going to suck, I can tell already.  I only have seven lessons left with D, and I’m starting to get just sick about it.  It’s funny because everyone at the rink tries to put such a happy face on it – like, “Oh, Nick’s going to be your new coach?  You guys are going to look great together because you’re both tall and blonde” – that was the lady who’s having the party on Saturday.  For the record, while I am blonde, I’m not tall.  I’m just tall compared to most ice dancers.  A bunch of other people have told me that I’ll have lots of fun with Nick, which I know is true.  He’ll also be picky like D which is good.  I just don’t know if he’ll be as picky, but he better be!  I’m a perfectionist, but if my coach isn’t looking for it too, I’ll slack off.  I’m lazy like that.  That’s why J isn’t going to be my dance coach.  He looks for “good enough for an adult” (that’s not actually a quote from him, but he has more than once said that we don’t have to live up to the same standard as the kids.  Well, duh, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for it).  That just doesn’t fly with me.  Anyway, I’m glad this whole coaching question is taken care of because I had four coaches approach me today.  Sorry guys, it’s done!  I’d still move back to fucking New Mexico in a heartbeat if it were at all feasible though.  This sucks a great big ass!!!

Random thought of the moment:  I would love an omelette.  I’d want it to have bacon, tomatoes, mushrooms, and peppers.  Then I’d cover it in salsa.  On the side, I’d like pancakes with LOTS of syrup.  The irony of this random thought is that I weighed this morning and I only have three pounds to go, so of course after skating today, I did nothing but stuff my face.  I ate an entire bag of Pirate’s Booty.  An entire fucking bag, are you kidding me with this shit?  I also had two oatmeal raisin cookies, countless Reese’s mini peanut butter cups (I think it was a total of 12, jeezus), Starbucks, two big bowls of cereal, normal oatmeal, and yogurt.  I feel like I ate something else too, but I can’t think of it.  You may notice a lack of veggies there.  Oops, my bad.  The only proper meal that I ate was the oatmeal and yogurt at breakfast.  Everything else was very snacky.  Hopefully I’ll do better tomorrow, but I think sometimes you need a day of really crappy eating.  And you know what?  I could still eat some more today.  Yee-ikes!

I was trying to get my pictures of my shooting target on here, and I can’t get them to be small.  They’re like huge, where you’d have to scroll sideways and up & down.  What a load of crap!  I’m soooooo pissed off right now.  If y’all know how to fix this, will you let me know (in small words since I clearly suck)?

I’ve been running all over town today.  First I had a Longaberger cult meeting.  I spent the whole time texting with D about boobs, so don’t ask me what’s new in Longabergerland.  Well, not the whole time, but enough.

After that, I went over to Abby’s house.  She just moved here and is the daughter of a family friend.  Her sister, her mom, and my mom were also there.  Her 80-year-old grandmother also came over.  Her name is Jimmie, and she has a more active love life than the rest of us combined.  That was pretty entertaining.  I also got to see the magic of a normal mother-daughter relationship.  It just fascinates me.  I know they’re not perfect all the time, but it was stuff like being able to disagree with their mother and not get their heads ripped off that really made an impression.  For instance, Libby bought Abby a couple of rugs to see if they would work in the house.  Abby and Ashley didn’t like them, so they’re taking them back.  No big deal.  My mom would’ve taken it as a personal affront and made me feel small and icky for wasting her time and thinking her taste sucks it and she must be a horrible person because of it.  It was quite refreshing.

I’m doing another hair show on Tuesday, but my hair has already been cut and colored for it.  For this one, I have to wear weird clothes and do the runway thing.  My music is that “Rebel Yell” by Billy Idol.  I have to shake my hips on the “more more more” part.  Cue the laughter because … what hips???  I’m wearing this little black strapless top and red and black plaid pants with little buckle things hanging off them.  My hair will be just bizarre.  We’re taking pictures, but considering I’m a dumbass, who knows if y’all will get to see?  All I know is because I’m willing to put up with this humiliation and get my hair cut like Hanoi Jane’s AGAIN, I am the best friend ever.  EVAH!  I just hope the pants still fit on Tuesday because D told me I need to eat more.  He said I look like I’ve been in a concentration camp which is total bullshit because I still have five pounds to go (though it could be seven now since I’ve done nothing but eat since he said that).  And for the record, I am nowhere near that skinny regardless of the poundage to go.

A quick note before we start: my font looks weird on my writing page.  I wonder what it’ll look like on my regular page.  We’ll see!  Also, if going to the gyno grosses you out, the first bit of this post may be a little icky for you. 

I had my annual exam yesterday, which always involves more than just my girlie parts.  The girls are fine, and I don’t have to get a mammogram for another two years, so that’s cool.  The only problem is that the knowledge that I have to get a mammogram in two years makes me feel O-L-D.  How can I be almost old enough to need mammograms???

Things are fine down below too – I apparently have nice small ovaries.  I have no idea what that means, but she was pretty graphic.  She said they were like “little walnuts”.  I was like, “Ew, are we done now?  Please?”  We’ll know about the Pap smear in a week.

She checked my skin since I’m so bloody pale and I live in Texas (though I’m sure she checks other people’s skin – but she mentioned how pale I am and how strong the sun is here).  That was all fine.  My weight is healthy, though I would like to lose four to nine pounds.  Nine pounds would make me very skinny, so it may be too much.  But four pounds may not be enough in my world.  We’ll see.

Anyway, she cracked me up when she congratulated me for being so healthy.  She said it would be nice if more of her patients were like me, etc.  I was like, “Honey, you might want to check your little chart over there.  I’m the opposite of healthy – I just hide it better than most!”  I know she knows about my immune system issues because she made me get a flu shot just in case.  Well that, and the fact that we had to do all my bloodwork.  She was a little annoyed with me that I didn’t get a shot earlier what with my history and all.  But flu isn’t something I normally get.  I get infections galore.  Anyway, the flu shot sucks it.  My freaking arm hurt so bad, and then the lab people drew my blood from that same arm.  Why?  That’s just dumb.  Unless their thought was, “We’ll leave her with one good arm.”  They took all my blood.  Vials and vials of my blood.  Oh, it was gross in the extreme.  They’ll run all their little tests on it, and then we’ll know how I’m doing compared to last year.

We were talking about the skating, and she asked if I was competing.  I told her about the Reston competition in June, and how I was more worried about the flight than competing.  She gave me a prescription for Xanex, yay!  I told my coach I had that bit taken care of, and he goes, “Great, so one of my students is going to be on drugs.”  No!  Only on the planes.  And then, hell yeah, I’m gonna be doped up.  Otherwise there is no way in fuck that I’d go.  No way.

My man-friend came over last night.  I put the silky sheets on the bed even while knowing that I hate them.  I do usually use silky pillowcases because they’re better for your hair than cotton, and when he saw those, he said, “Please tell me you have the matching sheets for these.”  I said I did, but that they suck because everything slips off.  But I decided it would be best if he got to see for himself.  Good goobies, all night long it was like, “Where’d the pillows go?”  Well, they slid off the bed.  “Where’d the blankets go?”  Well, they too slid off the bed.  “Where’d you go?”  I also slid off the bed.  Just kidding.  Plus they are not at all absorbent, so you can imagine what happens with anything fun that you might take to bed with a man-friend.  And they’re hot, so all night long, I was sweating.  Mmm, sexy!  I looked so bad this morning.  Plus I didn’t sleep very well.  It’s hard for me to sleep with someone else in my bed.  I love having him there, don’t get me wrong.  But if he coughs, I wake up.  If he sniffles, I wake up.  If he changes position, I wake up.  But when he’s not here, I wish he was because he’s an awesome cuddler.  All night long, it’s like he makes sure that some part of me is touching some part of him.  I really like how he spoons.  I really like how he does a lot of things, but I’m not going to write porn here today even though my blog is rated NC-17.  For language!!!  And probably sexual references too, if I must be fair.

Well, I’m supposed to leave here in about an hour and a half to go skate (and that would be my second session – I’d have to leave right now to make the first and that’s not gonna happen since I haven’t managed to get in the shower).  I don’t know if I’m going to make it.  I’m not feeling all that well, and I don’t know if it’s from my shot or all my missing blood (though surely that’s back to normal now) or because I didn’t sleep enough.  Whatever the reason, my blood sugar was so low this morning I could hardly drag myself out of bed to get some orange juice to fix it.  I’m sure that’s because I didn’t eat much yesterday.  I was very busy texting lewd messages with the man-friend before he got here, and that just put eating out the window.  Oh well!

I was doing pretty good this week, diet-wise.  I think at one point I had mentioned that I was supposed to lose three pounds while my coach was out of town, and he comes back on Monday.  Since I hadn’t lost anything (and in fact had gained two, oink oink), I thought I ought to get on task.  I managed to lose three pounds this week, but since I was up two, it was really only a loss of one.  So what do I do?  Do I go, “Great!  That’s a good start,” and keep going with the good behavior?  Noooooooo, not me!  I go, “Awesome!  Now I can eat!”  Stupid.  Stoooooopid!

I think it would’ve been fine if I had taken a bar or something to the rink, knowing I was skating an extra session today.  Nah, I’m not that smart.  I only got halfway through the extra session when I had to stop.  My legs were shaky, I was starving, and if I stayed any longer I was probably going to hurt myself.  So I left and popped into Starbucks.  This is fine as long as I don’t eat anything more than 100 calories with my coffee, meaning wait until I get home and have a banana or some grapes or something.  I didn’t do that though.  I ordered one of their chocolate chunk cookies which are good, but quite frankly, not as good as mine (though I can’t make mine right now because I don’t need the temptation of raw cookie dough).  You know how many calories are in one of those cookies?  380!!!  Unfuckingbelievable.  I just found that out.  I seriously wouldn’t have eaten it if I knew that.  My guess was 250 which was bad enough.

The unfortunate thing was that I didn’t stop there.  It was a binge-y day.  I did eat a nice normal dinner of salad with tuna on it, but I also ate Pirate’s Booty and dry cereal.  Several bowls of dry cereal.  I’m sitting here at the moment kind of hating myself for lacking so severely in the self-control department.  I can say to myself, “If you behave, you’ll be on maintenance sooner!” until the cows come home, but I seem to only be able to behave for about three days before I totally lose it and pig out.  Urgh!  God, that’s frustrating.

The worst bit of it is that I really really really needed to be good because this weekend is our Fakesgiving.  How will I ever behave in the face of Fluffy Pink, candied yams, and apple pie?  Oh, don’t forget about the mashed potatoes and rolls (I am a carb fiend).  Plus, just for fun/extra torture, my grandparents are taking us to the club on Sunday for brunch.  They seriously have the best brunch ever.  Mmm, waffles … yeah, and I have to be good.  Fuck!

I have blisters on the arches of my feet from my beautiful new skates.  You bastards!!!  *shakes fist at the heavens*  Yeah, it sucks.  A second ouchy thing is that my dog accidentally ran me into the stair post which is big and wide and solid wood.  My back hurts.  So I think that yesterday when I was skating, I was somehow compensating for my back with my ass.  Don’t ask how.  I do not know.  I do know that my butt hurts today.  It was very sore this morning, then fine during skating, and now it hurts again.  Actually, my whole lower body is pretty sore.  I would love a massage if I didn’t think that would hurt too.

Anyway … I’ve been looking for pink sheets for my bed.  Just ’cause.  Mostly I think because boys don’t really go for pink sheets so I haven’t had any since like college.  Now that it’s just me, I can have all the pink I want!  The problem was finding the exact right color of pink.  I like really pale pink, and I finally found some at Target.  The only problem with them is that the top sheet and the pillow cases have this ruffle on them.  Gaggers.  I’m not a ruffly or floral kind of girl.  Pottery Barn had some that were really cute with polka dots, but I’m not paying Pottery Barn prices for sheets.  That’s right, I’m cheap!

On the diet front, progress has been made.  I’ve lost 5.4 of the 8 pounds I gained.  My goal is to lose six more by my Cha Cha test which is November 4.  I had a bad dream about it on Friday night.  We (meaning me and my coach – I get to test with him, yay) finished the dance, and he said, “Not bad” which is like gushing praise from him.  Then the judge walked out on the ice and said, “I’m sorry, we won’t be able to pass you.  You didn’t do the Twizzles.”

I looked at D, who looked bewildered, and then I said, “What Twizzles?”  P.S., a Twizzle is like a moving pirouette.  Everyone hates them. 

She said, “We’ve added Twizzles here, and here, and here.”  She walked to each spot on the ice where the alleged Twizzles were to occur.

I’m standing there just thinking ‘what the hell?’.  There are no Twizzles in the Cha Cha!  I asked when they added them, and she said, “Oh last week.  You should’ve gotten a memo.  Too many people were passing this dance, and well, we can’t let just anyone pass the Cha Cha!”

Needless to say, I woke up in a cold sweat and ran downstairs to check my USFS rulebook just to make sure they hadn’t gone insane and added Twizzles to a low level dance.  They didn’t.  What a dork!

What sucks about this whole test is that I tried to take it last December, but when I failed the damn Dutch Waltz, I wasn’t allowed to take the Cha Cha test since it’s a level up.  I retook the Dutch Waltz in March, and probably should’ve signed up for the Cha Cha then, but I didn’t want to chance paying for it and not being allowed to take it again if I flunked.  Then this summer, I fell apart with a lack of ice, and the plan had been to take Cha Cha and Swing Dance in July I think.  So no test.  I missed the deadline anyway.  Then my Swing Dance fell apart, so here I am, taking a test that should’ve been over with almost a year ago.  Urgh!  Luckily the Swing Dance is coming back together, so maybe we’ll knock it out by February.  We’ll see though!  The good news is that I’m getting plenty of ice time now.  I want to get to where I’ve got one Bronze test out of the way by summer so I can compete at that level.  D may make me wait and have me compete at Pre-Bronze though.  Gross.  It’s a common practice, but one I don’t necessarily agree with or like.

It’s going to be 107 degrees here today (I knew we’d pay for the lovely wet weather we’ve had all summer eventually).  If I’m going to work out today, I need to do it soon, but I have a headache, so I’m hanging out on the internet instead.  What I’ve found so far is that the Runner’s World website is going to kill me because it’s so freaking slow.  I kind of want to throw my computer across the room right now.  I’m waiting for the shoe finder page to load.  See, I’ve had all these problems – I’ve sprained my right ankle twice, my Achilles tendon hurts, and my knee hurts (all on the right side).  I’m a little freak, so of course I’m an underpronater.  That just means that I hit the outside of my foot and don’t roll to the inside properly, so it’s hard on my knees and Achilles.  I guess that makes it hard on my ankles too, but the point is that it’s gotten to the point that I am no longer running.  I’m walking which makes me feel like a little old lady.  Unacceptable!  So I’m checking to see if I can find some shoes that’ll fix the problem.  My current shoes are Asics Gel Kayanos which are supposed to be awesome but are clearly not working for me.

Okay, so after eleventy billion minutes, my 26 pairs of shoes popped up, and one pair was for underpronators.  Nice.  So I will compare them to four other pairs that are for neutral foot people but which are highly rated.  Let’s see.  Okie dokie, it looks like I’d have to go with this one.  The neutral shoes just won’t work.  The nice thing here is that this shoe is $85 whereas the Gel Kayanos are $135.  Yay!  Now I’ll have to sneak in the running without telling my coach who has twice forbidden running.  He’s just paranoid about the knee and ankle issues.  I’m paranoid about fat.  Fat trumps bad knees, so I win!

This is a hello to the WordPress people even though I’m pretty sure they don’t read my drivel – your website is bugging me today too.  You know I’ve been having problems with the spellchecker for months now, and today I’m typing along, nothing shows up on the page, and then all of a sudden everything pops up.  It’s a little disconcerting, especially since I’m a horrible speller and who knows what I’m spelling when I can’t see it?  And no, I don’t think it’s my computer because the Runner’s World site is always slow (though it’s more annoying today than on some other days) so you can’t use that as proof that it’s me.  Plus this sometimes happens with your site.  Help help!

Here is what I need to do today – workout (walk, weights, and core), shower, go to Target, do laundry, vacuum dog hair (I don’t have carpet – I have a layer of dog hair instead, ick), and work with Magnus on sit and stay with lots of distractions which means take him to Petsmart and work with him in the treats aisle.  The fish aisle also works well because the tanks make a high-pitched sound that humans can’t hear but which drives the dogs bonkers.  I can’t find his leash right now though.  When I took him to the vet for boarding, I know they gave it back to me.  I just can’t figure out what I did with it.  Urgh!  He could use some new chew toys too.

Here’s what I want to do today: nothing.  At least until the headache goes away.  I’d like to go back to bed for a while, but I’m not so good at sleeping during the day.  Bummer!  If my headache went away, what I would like to do today is take a ballroom class.  The teacher at the rink sucks though.  That’s what I hear anyway.  Since I am currently partnerless, I don’t take ballroom.  My coach could take it with me, but since he’s also currently partnerless, he’s not taking anything he doesn’t have to.  He calls it a sabbatical.  I call it lazy butt (says the girl who’s sitting on the couch rather than working out).  Anyway, he says the ballroom teacher last year was much better.  He was Russian.  The one now is this older woman who treats everyone like they’re five years old.  Needless to say, when you peek in on the class, you see lots of eye-rolling and unhappy looking students.  I wonder if you have to have a partner for one of the ballroom schools or if they can hook you up with someone for the classes?  Ah, the answer is you don’t have to have a partner.  They just put you in private lessons!  Boo, expensive.  Maybe I’ll call later anyway.  This is something I really want to do.

Okay, that’s all for now.  I can’t deal with this website anymore today!

Stuff I can’t find:

1. My water.  I’ve misplaced it.  Once upon a time, I drank Diet Big Red constantly.  I used to lose those all the time too.  So the water isn’t special or anything.  I think it’s upstairs, and since I’m doing this right now, I don’t want to go up there and look for it.

2. The drill.  This is also reason number two of why I don’t want to go upstairs right now.  I have an unfinished project in my bathroom which is where I’m pretty sure I left the water and I don’t want to look at the unfinished-ness.  It’s not even started-ness.  I opened the box that the towel hanger is in, realized I needed a drill, and quit since I don’t know where it is.  “Garage” isn’t good enough.  I don’t want to dig.  I think that means I don’t really want to do the project today either.

Wait, I know where the water is!  It’s on my nightstand.  Mystery solved.  Nancy Drew would be … unimpressed.

3. My sister.  See, Anjelica went into labor last night, and Kim is my pipeline of information.  I can’t find her, hence I have no information.  In fact, since I didn’t check my middle of night emails (no, I don’t really ever do that), I didn’t know that Anjelica had gone into labor until late this afternoon because I was busy all day with the dentist and skating.

4. My right outside edge.  It comes and goes.  Perhaps it’ll come back tomorrow.  That is frustrating!  It was working very well last week though.

So that’s what I have lost for today.

Here’s the dentist story: I broke my nightguard last week.  I split the thing right down the middle of the left side.  Now, I don’t know if anyone but me was like, “wow, that is some awesome grinding and clenching you’re doing”, but I thought it was pretty amazing.  I had ground a bunch of holes into that side, and I guess they weakened it to the point that it just cracked.  Anyway, last Thursday I went to the dentist to get molds made for the new guard, but they called me on Friday to say one of the molds was distorted and we had to redo it.  Since I was in Austin on Friday, it had to wait until today.  In the meantime, I’m destroying my teeth all over again.  I woke myself up in the middle of the night when I ground really hard and my jaw slipped.  The sound was horrific.  Needless to say, I hope they can make this thing really fast.  Oh, it’s a new kind so it’s not supposed to break.  It’s made of a softer material than my old one which was some kind of acrylic or something.  Supposedly, it’s more comfortable as well, but the old one wasn’t uncomfortable so that’s not much of an issue.

Austin was fun.  All the plans we made were shot down by the weather though.  I bought a bathing suit so we could go to the Springs with the dogs, but it ended up being 34 degrees with sleet.  Not exactly tanning weather.  It’s weird, the last three times I went down there, it has rained most of the time I was there.  I control the weather.  Hunh.  Who knew?  Well, if that were true, I’d make it rain here more and then we wouldn’t be in a drought with sprinkler restrictions.  We’re only allowed to water once a week, and only during certain times.

The only problem with Austin was that we ate so much.  I am hugely bloated today, urgh!  So this is a major diet week.  Well, it’s supposed to be.  I have been in the Easter candy today.  The fact that I’ve allowed Easter candy in the house probably shows what a lousy dieter I am.  This is how bad it is:  I have five boxes of Hot Tamales in the secret candy drawer (uh, no wonder I need to lose weight!).  Oh yeah, they’re not wee boxes either.  They’re the big movie size that you get at Target.  Hmmm, I don’t want to put two and two together, but there it is … 

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