So, Viggo Mortensen, the one man on the planet who could probably convince me to have his children, got an Oscar nomination.  Yay!  Oi, he’s a little hottie, yum.

Last night, my Man-Friend came over and taught me to fly.  I should say he attempted to teach me to fly.  We were playing Ace Combat 6.  Yet another game for me to suck ass at, but that’s okay.  I’ll practice.  He has the fancy controllers for it which were just another source of “too many buttons” confusion for me.  I yearn for the days of old when all we had were buttons A and B and the D pad.  It was a simpler time.

Damn it, my fucking dog has got in the mud again.  He wants in and is spreading his muck all over the back door, so I better go clean him.  Urgh!


I have a migraine which has exactly two hours to go away so I can start getting ready for the party I’m going to tonight.  Have I mentioned this?  I don’t know what I’ve said lately.  Anyway, I was supposed to go to Houston and spend a couple of days and New Year’s with Shana and Tony, but what with being sick and all, I decided not to subject myself to all that time in the car.  Plus I didn’t have a place to board the dog.  Shana said to bring him, but they don’t have a fenced yard, so … I decided not to go.  It’s probably a good thing because I’m still fucking coughing up a damn lung.  I think it’s what has caused this headache.  It’s a very big nasty cough.

Okay, so rather than getting to go to Houston and hang with friends, I am going to my ex-husband’s New Year’s party.  Aren’t they lucky to be graced by me and my hack?  There are a couple of reasons I want to go, one being that I can hang out with my kid this way, and two being that I do like the New Wife.  Plus he has good parties, so it should be fun.  Most people who have heard my plans think I’m nuts, but since I am nuts, I don’t care.  I’m not sure I want my Man-Friend to know where I’m going, but he’s out of commission and hasn’t asked what I’m doing, so I’ll just not mention it.  I doubt it would bother him anyway – at this point he’d probably be happy that I’m getting out of the house.  (I just re-read this paragraph, and quite frankly, Man-Friend isn’t coming out sounding so hot here.  I should clarify that he’s out of commission because he’s very very very far away visiting his family.  Although I must say, I personally think he should at least ask what I’m doing.  Then again, I haven’t asked him either!  I suck.  Which is why he likes me, hahaha.)

All righty then … this headache really needs to go away because I cannot stand the thought of sitting around this house anymore.  While sick, I have watched the following movies: Selena, Beerfest, The Princess Bride, My Best Friend’s Wedding, The Wedding Planner, Sixteen Candles, Factory Girl, Moulin Rouge, Singles, Friends with Money, and probably half a dozen more that I just can’t remember at the moment.  It cracks me up that I watch all those wedding movies since I have like zero interest in getting married right now.  I do like romantic comedies though.  What can I say?  I’m a girlie girl.  I haven’t played Rock Band since I got home because I’ve been too blah to set it up.  I’ve only played a little Guitar Hero because I’ve pretty much had a headache for two weeks, and I like my Guitar Hero LOUD.  You can’t play it quietly – that’s just stupid.  It’s like those kids who have to play an electric guitar without the amp on because their loser moms can’t stand all the noise.  Here’s a thought – if you don’t like guitar noise, don’t buy your kid a guitar.  The one day I did play Guitar Hero, I was working on the song I need to play next, which is “Lay Down” by Priestess.  I was pretty close to being ready to play it for real before I left town, but not so much now.  The good news is that Rock Band makes you play the red-blue chord a lot, so that’s gotten better for some songs on Guitar Hero.  Anyway, after the “Lay Down” disaster, I got retarded and decided to try to play some stuff on Hard.  Oh, it was nothing but funny.  Even on super slow, I just couldn’t move my fingers that way.  I wonder if there are some people who will never play above Medium?  That would suck because I’d like to play with Jason with both of us on Expert.  I need a few years I think.  After that, I went back to “One” and did the best I’ve ever done on that song which, sadly, is 78% on full speed.  If I slow it down to the next slower speed, I can get around 92%.  Still not ready for prime time.

Dude, I am all over the place paragraphically speaking.  That is some poor writing.  Back to the movies.  I had never seen Selena, and you know, I thought it was okay good.  Then again, I think J. Lo and I would be BFF if we ever met because of an interview she did on television when she was still with Ben Affleck.  She just seemed like somebody I’d hang out with.  My sister thinks she and Drew Barrymore would be BFF.  Drew Barrymore was my nickname when I was in my 20s.  I was kind of wild.  So yeah, I can see where Kim and Drew could be buds since I do like my sister.

I really liked Factory Girl.  I wasn’t sure if I would because I’m not a huge Sienna Miller fan.  That has changed.  She was wonderful as Edie Sedgwick.  The other thing I liked about the movie were all the earrings she wore.  They were freaking enormous!  Every time the scene changed, the first thing I checked out were earrings.

Beerfest is very funny.  I have a ping-pong table, and I’m going to have to play Beer Pong.  Overall, the movie has a ton of potential for drinking games.  Speaking of drinking games, Universal HD is going to run “Battlestar Galactica” starting Saturday night.  I love that show (hit my tv category, and mostly BSG will show up), so I’m going to geek out this coming weekend and watch it.  Even though I have it on DVD.  Whatever.  Marathons are fun.  Actually, I only have the first season on DVD as ex-boyfriend made off with seasons 2 and 2.5.  Fucker.  I think for BSG, you have to drink every time they say “frakking” or “oh my gods”.

If the Tooth Fairy existed, she’d owe me about three grand for this one.  Bitch. 

Okay, so in November, Rich and I went to the movies, and we got one of those coupons for cheap candy.  In this case, it was Milk Duds for a dollar.   That’s right, movie candy for a dollar.  I’m not stupid (or am I?  We shall see), so yeah, I got the Milk Duds.  The problem here is my teeth.  I had Scarlet Fever when I was three, and it really messes with your whole system.  This is the disease Helen Keller had which caused her deafness and blindness.  Luckily for me, we had antibiotics in the early seventies.  However, I have a heart murmur because of it.  I also have practically no enamel on my teeth.  Obviously I had baby teeth when I had Scarlet Fever, but your permanent teeth are there, developing, and mine got to develop with super thin enamel.  So the end of that story is that I have had five root canals and have five crowns even though I brush and floss constantly in addition to using all sorts of stuff to help out my poor teeth.  Now I know I’ve heard at least one dentist mention that I shouldn’t eat things like Milk Duds and other sticky stuff with my crowns.  And this is where whether I am stupid or not comes into play.  I am either very dumb or very stubborn because I knew I shouldn’t eat the Milk Duds, and yet I did.  One crown came right off, and another one loosened up.  This was all in the same bite.

I went to the dentist, and he stuck the one crown back on, and the other he said should be removed (including tooth.  Including tooth!  I’m sorry, you’ve seen my Wee Me – I am not a witch from MacBeth or Snow White.  I have nice looking teeth, even the crowned ones!  I am NOT losing a tooth, are you freaking kidding me with that shit???).  He wanted to do an implant.  He warned me that if I didn’t let him pull the poor tooth, the crown would eventually fall off, and it would take most of the tooth with it because it was infected (and I couldn’t tell because there was no pain because of the root canal).  So, and here I am being dumb again, I had a bit of a nervous breakdown, went into total denial, and I didn’t go back to see him again.

Fast forward three months.  Last night we were getting ready to go see Pan’s Labyrinth.  I was eating a bagel, and then I was chewing a crown.  Well, you really only chew once, and you immediately realize something is very wrong.  Fuckity fuck fuck!!!  I ran upstairs to my bathroom and rinsed everything out.  It wasn’t very bloody, but it was definitely gross.  What is left of my tooth (and I would estimate that the damn crown took about 90% of my tooth with it – I hate it when dentists are right) is so nasty looking.  It’s mottled brown.  Oh dear God, the shame.  I cannot even begin to tell you how awful it looks.  We won’t go into the infectious taste/smell.  That subsided after much rinsing, brushing, and Listerine-ing.

Eating is interesting now.  I had oatmeal with banana in it for breakfast.  Oatmeal bits kept creeping over to that side of my mouth, working their way into the hole where my tooth used to be.  I had a PB&J for lunch, and it’s the same thing.  I don’t get it.  I’m chewing on the left side only, and food keeps wandering over to the right.  It’s as if my former tooth were being stalked.

I’m calling the dentist first thing in the morning.  It’s official – I will be a toothless hillbilly soon.  Ugh, it makes my stomach hurt to think of it.  If nothing else, I better get some good drugs out of this.  They gave my mom Halcyon, so there is real hope for that!

As a side note, Pan’s Labyrinth was beyond awesome!


There she is!  I finally figured it out (I think – we’ll see when I try to post this).  By the way, my Wee Me halo is a lie according to my boyfriend – he said it is a “halo of lies” as in “You sit on a throne of lies” from Elf.  That happens to be one of my favorite movies of all time.  I do not, however, enjoy one of my favorite lines in said movie being used against me!  It was a joke though, so it’s really okay!

Now, with my new-found technical expertise, haha, if I could just figure out how to get the youtube video of the Sunshine Quickstep not to skip, then I’d be happy.  Duke was like, “I can get it to work just fine.”  This is me after that moment  :p  Brat, whatever!

I had a “Pitch the Bitch” moment at skating today.  If you don’t know this already, Pitch the Bitch is a term from pairs which means when the guy has to throw the woman.  Nice!  We were doing backwards crossovers together, which in my opinion is far scarier than when I do them alone because Duke makes us haul ass.  I had a slight freak out moment because my circle was pulling too far out and I was getting off-track, and that’s just hellacious when you’re going fast.  So I flipped around frontwards to get out of it (not intelligent at all), and I went right past Duke like a slingshot.  Hence, Pitch the Bitch.  Excellent!  I got all the way down to the opposite blue line before I was willing to hit the brakes and stop because of all the speed.  I was laughing the whole time though.  We decided to leave those for the day after that.  Good times!  The thing is, I have to get used to that speed, so we have to just keep doing them.  When they’re going well, as in I’m not widening the circle (it’s actually an oval – we use the whole area south of the blue line to the boards) or shrinking into my shoulders like a turtle, it’s actually fun.  I can get about three fun ones in before I go “argh!!!” and flip around frontwards.

I started writing a new story the other day.  It’s a fantasy, and I’ve never written one of those before.  I’m letting it take shape as it comes, and then I’ll just edit the shit out of it.  I have a tendency to edit as I go, but I want this one to lead me where it will.  I’m also reading Orson Scott Card’s How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy during this process.  It’s been pretty helpful so far.  For pleasure reading, I’ve just started Paint it Black by Janet Fitch.  It’s amazing, really incredible.

We’re going out to dinner tonight at a Mexican place called Anamia’s.  It’s awesome if you’re not trying to lose weight (down seven pounds now, thirteen to go).  I think I’ll get chicken fajitas with no tortillas or cheese or sour cream.  So basically, chicken, veggies, and salsa.  What I really want is a margarita.  Mmmm!

A new skating movie, starring Will Ferrell, is coming out.  Now that is exciting!  My coach sent me a link to the preview along with the message, “This is not going to help men in this sport one god damn bit.”  We should have known something like this was coming when there were two, yes two, ice dancing jokes in Talladega Nights.  I think it’s hysterical, but I am not a straight guy in this sport either!

In weather news, once again the doomsdayers are wrong (thus far).  They have been quite persistent in saying that we were going to be iced in, but it has yet to happen.  It has rained a ton, but no ice.  No snow, no sleet, no slush.  Just rain.  That’s fine by me though.  Unfortunately my house doesn’t have gutters yet – it was just built, and as we got into the last week before closing, I was like, “When do you put the gutters on?”  The builder said gutters were an upgrade.  WTF???  Gutters are an upgrade?!?  That’s crazy.  Actually, that is stupid.  I mean, I went through that upgrade list with a fine-toothed comb, and I definitely didn’t see gutters on the list.  They weren’t on the standard stuff list either though, so my bad I guess.  So dumb.  I need gutters soon though because all this rain is going to make a mess of my yard.  Plus it’ll mess with the foundation too, so I really don’t understand why they aren’t required to put them on.

My boyfriend just ran his hand up my leg under my flannel jammies.  (Yeah, it’s 1:30 in the afternoon, and I’m still in jammies.  I love Sundays!)  He got this horrified look on his face and made a sandpaper sound in his throat.  I laughed and said, “I told you I haven’t been shaving!”  See, when he broke his ankle, sex became an iffy proposition (although I still say I could be on top and take care of that whole problem, but he’s worried about moving his leg wrong), so I figure, why shave?  Nice, eh?  I just wear winter-weight tights to skate in, and nobody knows the difference.  At least I think they don’t.  Uh-oh, paranoia has set in …