I came back from New Mexico with a stomach virus and finally went to the doctor today because I can’t take it anymore.  Unfortunately since it’s a virus, there’s not really anything they can do for me so I have to take it some more whether I want to or not.  Assholes.

The flight out there was fine.  I was all Xanex-y so I didn’t much care about the tiny bit of turbulence we had or anything like that.  I was crying when I got on the plane since they hadn’t kicked in yet, but the flight attendant was really sweet and got me a front row seat (I flew Southwest and got just about the last boarding pass because I’m dumb and didn’t check in online).  She even came and sat by me during take-off and held my hand.

D (this would be Man-Friend, but I figure we’ve dispensed with the disguises) met me at the first place you’re allowed to meet people at the Albuquerque airport.  I do miss the days of being able to meet people at the gate.  We went to lunch and then got checked into the hotel and all that.  He had to teach for a little bit that evening, so I slept off the remainder of the Xanex and played with my DS.

On Saturday we went to the zoo when he was done teaching.  I’ve never seen so many tattoos in one place.  I saw one dude who had his entire family rendered on his belly (so yeah, he was shirtless.  Can anyone say “Classy”?).  The animals looked depressed.  D said they looked like they were waiting for extinction.

Sunday was meet the parents day.  We were both so nervous, and I mean ridiculously nervous, like to the point of saying stupid shit like, “One night stands are so much easier than this.”  Oops.  They were nice though.  His mom is very blunt, but not towards me.  It’s just like if she’s thinking something, she says it, and she says exactly how she feels about it.  His dad’s somewhat quieter.  We went back to their house and watched a movie and hung out for a bit before heading back to the hotel.

Oh, they wanted to make sure I came back while D’s aunt is there.  That’s at the end of the month.  It’s going to be a very full house, but apparently she’s an awesome cook so the food will be plentiful and good, yay!  The sister who’s going to grill me and make sure her brother isn’t a boy-toy to me will be there too.  Also I’m going back next week and will be staying there then too.

Leaving was awful.  We both wanted me to stay longer.  That’s where this is so hard.  You get there and you want to stay.  You get home and you want to go back.  You’re there and dreading leaving the whole time.  You send your itinerary to him and he says, “You should stay longer.”  I wish I could!  Right now I’m counting down the days til I go back.  So yeah, that sucks ass.

Anyway, Albuquerque has changed more than I thought it would.  For one thing, they have lots of restaurants now.  When I lived there, they had this huge deal where they didn’t want chain restaurants invading the city.  Uh, too bad guys.  You’re as chainy as Dallas now.  The service is much better now too.  I think that goes along with having corporations running things.  They are still lousy about keeping your tea glass from going empty though.  I’m a thirsty girl.  The traffic is worse too.  D’s mom said the drunk driving problem is getting better, so at least there’s that.  It’s still fairly ugly and boring.  There’s nothing to do but eat there.  Well, there’s touristy stuff, but I did all that when I lived there, and D has no interest in that shit.  He hates Santa Fe, but he’s a fascist conservative, so it’s totally enemy territory to him.  They have hemp stores, so you can see where that might pose a problem for him.  I’ll tell ya though, so you can stay in your hotel room and have lots of sex, that’s for sure!!!  Sorry, that was tacky.

Oh, I cried while boarding the plane home too and got front-row again.  A travel tip from me to you.


Okay, first of all, it snowed twice this week.  I thought I lived in Texas, but apparently, we’ve switched places with Minnesota.  Snow in March in Texas?  Unheard of.  Luckily it melts by early morning so nobody has to deal with us being bigger idiots on the road than usual.  I swear, they should make it illegal to drive here unless the skies are cloud free.  We are bad drivers.  It was even worse when I lived in Houston.  It rains all the time there, and yet, whenever it rains, nobody will touch the accelerator.  It’s like they’re all stopping to gawk at the raindrop.  Like they didn’t see eleventy billion of them the day before.

Monday night, M-F and I had dinner from this Italian place close to where I live.  It was snowing, so we had it delivered.  I think it’s ironic that people order in when the weather is bad – it’s like, I don’t want to die, but I’ll let the delivery guy risk life and limb on the little one lane each way, winding, potholey blacktop farm road.  I ordered Chicken Marsala.  There’s no milk or cream sauce or anything in it that should make my lactose-intolerant self sick.  The chicken was definitely cooked through and hot when I ate it.  And yet … a little while after I ate it, I started feeling sick.  Then my forehead got all clammy.  Then I got super-quiet which only happens if I’m afraid I’ll open my mouth and instead of words, puke will come out.  Then I knew for sure I was going to puke, and I ran for the bathroom downstairs.  Oh no!  M-F was in there!!!  Shit!  So I ran up the stairs, dog following, and started throwing up in my mouth about halfway up.  I got to the guest bathroom and barely made it to the toilet to unleash the vom.  Meanwhile, Magnus was hanging his head into the toilet just checking out what I had created.  I’m like, “Magnus, no!  Don’t eat that!” and then another wave of barf would come.  A word to the wise:  Unless your mouth is full of throw-up and you cannot speak, tell your dog to wait outside the bathroom.  They just don’t need to be in there.  Anyway, when I was done, I felt freaking awesome, like better than normal.  It was the weirdest thing.  My sister randomly barfs, not me.  So once again, we have to start the non-pukeage streak over.  I swear I don’t normally throw up three times in one year.

That’s pretty much all the non-drama for the week.  Oh, we never made it to the aquarium on Tuesday.  We stayed in bed for too long and then ate at the Waffle House which is totally gross but so yummy.  I insist on calling it “Der Waffle Haus” like in “Dead Like Me”.  I miss that show, but dude, whenever they ate, it made me so hungry and I wanted their food.  When I die, I’d like to be a reaper so I can have their metabolism.  Check that – assuming that the show is right about how it works, then I’d like to be a reaper.  Otherwise, forget it.  Anyway, their coffee was surprisingly good.  It kind of makes you rethink the $4 latte.

I have a migraine which has exactly two hours to go away so I can start getting ready for the party I’m going to tonight.  Have I mentioned this?  I don’t know what I’ve said lately.  Anyway, I was supposed to go to Houston and spend a couple of days and New Year’s with Shana and Tony, but what with being sick and all, I decided not to subject myself to all that time in the car.  Plus I didn’t have a place to board the dog.  Shana said to bring him, but they don’t have a fenced yard, so … I decided not to go.  It’s probably a good thing because I’m still fucking coughing up a damn lung.  I think it’s what has caused this headache.  It’s a very big nasty cough.

Okay, so rather than getting to go to Houston and hang with friends, I am going to my ex-husband’s New Year’s party.  Aren’t they lucky to be graced by me and my hack?  There are a couple of reasons I want to go, one being that I can hang out with my kid this way, and two being that I do like the New Wife.  Plus he has good parties, so it should be fun.  Most people who have heard my plans think I’m nuts, but since I am nuts, I don’t care.  I’m not sure I want my Man-Friend to know where I’m going, but he’s out of commission and hasn’t asked what I’m doing, so I’ll just not mention it.  I doubt it would bother him anyway – at this point he’d probably be happy that I’m getting out of the house.  (I just re-read this paragraph, and quite frankly, Man-Friend isn’t coming out sounding so hot here.  I should clarify that he’s out of commission because he’s very very very far away visiting his family.  Although I must say, I personally think he should at least ask what I’m doing.  Then again, I haven’t asked him either!  I suck.  Which is why he likes me, hahaha.)

All righty then … this headache really needs to go away because I cannot stand the thought of sitting around this house anymore.  While sick, I have watched the following movies: Selena, Beerfest, The Princess Bride, My Best Friend’s Wedding, The Wedding Planner, Sixteen Candles, Factory Girl, Moulin Rouge, Singles, Friends with Money, and probably half a dozen more that I just can’t remember at the moment.  It cracks me up that I watch all those wedding movies since I have like zero interest in getting married right now.  I do like romantic comedies though.  What can I say?  I’m a girlie girl.  I haven’t played Rock Band since I got home because I’ve been too blah to set it up.  I’ve only played a little Guitar Hero because I’ve pretty much had a headache for two weeks, and I like my Guitar Hero LOUD.  You can’t play it quietly – that’s just stupid.  It’s like those kids who have to play an electric guitar without the amp on because their loser moms can’t stand all the noise.  Here’s a thought – if you don’t like guitar noise, don’t buy your kid a guitar.  The one day I did play Guitar Hero, I was working on the song I need to play next, which is “Lay Down” by Priestess.  I was pretty close to being ready to play it for real before I left town, but not so much now.  The good news is that Rock Band makes you play the red-blue chord a lot, so that’s gotten better for some songs on Guitar Hero.  Anyway, after the “Lay Down” disaster, I got retarded and decided to try to play some stuff on Hard.  Oh, it was nothing but funny.  Even on super slow, I just couldn’t move my fingers that way.  I wonder if there are some people who will never play above Medium?  That would suck because I’d like to play with Jason with both of us on Expert.  I need a few years I think.  After that, I went back to “One” and did the best I’ve ever done on that song which, sadly, is 78% on full speed.  If I slow it down to the next slower speed, I can get around 92%.  Still not ready for prime time.

Dude, I am all over the place paragraphically speaking.  That is some poor writing.  Back to the movies.  I had never seen Selena, and you know, I thought it was okay good.  Then again, I think J. Lo and I would be BFF if we ever met because of an interview she did on television when she was still with Ben Affleck.  She just seemed like somebody I’d hang out with.  My sister thinks she and Drew Barrymore would be BFF.  Drew Barrymore was my nickname when I was in my 20s.  I was kind of wild.  So yeah, I can see where Kim and Drew could be buds since I do like my sister.

I really liked Factory Girl.  I wasn’t sure if I would because I’m not a huge Sienna Miller fan.  That has changed.  She was wonderful as Edie Sedgwick.  The other thing I liked about the movie were all the earrings she wore.  They were freaking enormous!  Every time the scene changed, the first thing I checked out were earrings.

Beerfest is very funny.  I have a ping-pong table, and I’m going to have to play Beer Pong.  Overall, the movie has a ton of potential for drinking games.  Speaking of drinking games, Universal HD is going to run “Battlestar Galactica” starting Saturday night.  I love that show (hit my tv category, and mostly BSG will show up), so I’m going to geek out this coming weekend and watch it.  Even though I have it on DVD.  Whatever.  Marathons are fun.  Actually, I only have the first season on DVD as ex-boyfriend made off with seasons 2 and 2.5.  Fucker.  I think for BSG, you have to drink every time they say “frakking” or “oh my gods”.

I drove home yesterday because I was sick of being sick around so many people.  The drive was hideous.  It snowed, and I don’t like driving in that crap, and I felt really lousy and was so freaking tired.  But we made it safely, yay!

I still feel shitacular.  I ended up in the emergency room on Christmas day because I was on my last day of antibiotics and was feeling worse than ever.  There weren’t any normal doctors open since it was Christmas, so I had no choice.  Plus my family was insistent.  I felt like an idiot, but whatever.  They took chest X-rays, and I don’t have pneumonia.  At least I didn’t that day, but I wonder about today.  I’m coughing up all sorts of charming stuff and sound very rattle-y (can’t figure out if that’s a word, or if it is, how to spell it).  Anyway, they decided that I had another virus on top of my flu and sinus infection, but they gave me more antibiotics for the infection since it wasn’t getting any better.  Oh also, I just have to tough it out and cough up whatever I can (no swallowing, just spit it out so it doesn’t make me nauseous.  Gross!).  It was a most unsatisfactory answer.  He also wouldn’t give me anything for the nasty cough because he wanted me to cough it out so it wouldn’t settle in my lungs and become pneumonia.  Whatever dude.  I just want to stop coughing and get my regular voice back.

D texted me at one point that he was driving around playing with his new GPS.  I tried to call him since I thought it was less than a great idea to drive while texting (though I have to admit I’ve done that, oops).  He didn’t answer, so I left him a message.  He texted back a while later: “U sound like shit”.  Awesome.  Well, I was all snotty and hoarse, but still!  I think I sound somewhat better now.  Not quite like normal, but not as bad as that day.

J and his wife L are getting married today.  I know that sounds weird, but technically they’re already married – they got married here a while back by a JP so they could get her green card process rolling, and today they’re doing the big family church wedding in Cancun.  I would wish that I were there, but if I were, I’d make a spectacle of the wedding with all my hacking.  So it’s best that I’m home.  It sucks because I can’t be around people and I’m getting lonely.  I don’t normally care if I have alone time.  Actually I usually crave alone time.  But when I’m sick, after a few days I want people.  I just feel really isolated right now, and I don’t like it at all.

I have to pick the dog up from the “spa” tomorrow morning.  I guess at some point I’ll have to get off my ass and put my Christmas presents away so he doesn’t eat them.  I also have a dentist appointment tomorrow to get the molds made for my crowns and to put the last piece of the implants on.  I hope I feel better tomorrow than I do right now because I don’t think it’s going to be fun there if I’m still like this. 

I pretty much played Rock Band all day today, which by the way is now Christmas, but only because it’s 12:49 am.  So really, I played all day yesterday, but whatever.  It’s fun, but gosh, I suck at the drums.  I suck even worse at singing though.  Kim, Jason, Amber, Nicki, Mandi, Munchkin, and I were playing, so we were rotating through the instruments.  They originally weren’t going to make me sing because I’ve lost my voice, but then we went ahead with it just for the entertainment value.  I did okay on that Flyleaf song “I’m So Sick” which is somewhat ironic.  I was awful on “Buddy Holly”, but didn’t flunk somehow.  Then my mom yelled at me for singing and touching instruments that other people were going to touch.  I felt like Kindergarten.  I was like, “But I’m not contagious!”  Nobody’s buying that so much.  Oh, and then they made us quit because we were ruining Christmas Eve by not playing something with the “adults” (I put quote marks there since Munchkin is the only non-adult here, but the nefarious “they” in this scenario is all the parents and grandparents, so they’re the so-called adults here).

I seem to have picked up a cold though because my nose is all runny and I can’t stop sneezing.  Either that or the sinus infection is draining or something equally gross.  My left eye is all drippy, but the makeup survived until after the Christmas Eve pajama pictures were taken.  I’ll post those when I get home.

On the plus side, my cough is getting much better, but because I have a bunch of new crud and only one antibiotic left in my Z-pack, my mom is threatening to take me to one of those emergency care centers.  Uh no … Quack Shack, anyone?  So then she said my other choice would be the emergency room because what else is open on Christmas?  I said, nope, I’m fine, I’m not going anywhere.  That said, I am somewhat concerned that I seem to be getting worse despite the meds.  No way in hell am I going to the fucking emergency room over this shit though.  No way!!!

I was pretty bored today.  They left me home all day while everyone else went shopping.  I didn’t feel up to going anyway.  Then this evening, they all went to church.  I don’t normally go, but I do like to go on Christmas Eve because I like the songs.  They wouldn’t let me though.  So I stayed home and played the little plastic guitar.  I feel like a leper.  Like, I understand and everything, but jeez!

My family is not having such a great holiday so far.  After leaving the hospital without surgery, my grandmother was readmitted the night before last, and they did surgery yesterday.  They started out doing arthroscopic(?) to repair the kink or whatever in her intestine, but then realized that wasn’t going to do it, so they ended up having to go in like ER or Grey’s Anatomy and remove nine inches of her colon.  As usual, nobody is being very good about passing on information, so my mom is frantic.  She keeps calling everyone in Austin saying, “It has been two hours since I’ve had an update.  One of you needs to call me and tell me what’s going on!”

Nobody will come near me because I’m horribly sick with the flu and a sinus infection.  See, I have what is known in very medical terms as a craptacular immune system.  You have these things which are called Natural Killer Cells, and lovely normal people have between 30 and 170.  I have 12.  If I had 8, they would call what I have “Lupus”.  But with 12, they’re not sure what to call it other than “your immune system sucks”.  Awesome.  The bottom line is that I get sick easier than normal people, and once I am sick, I tend to pick up more than one thing.  So like now, I have the flu with a sinus infection.  Once I had the flu and strep throat.  That sucked ass.  I’m pretty sure I’ve picked up an ear infection as well, but I’m already on antibiotics, so there’s no point in going to the doctor again.  Plus it’s Christmas Eve and I’m out of town, so good luck to me in finding a doctor.

My transplant patient mother picked up something in the hospital when her mom was originally in there.  So she’s on Cipro which means we don’t have to worry about her getting anything from me.  Plus the doctor said I wasn’t contagious anymore, but my sister is like, “Yeah, I’ll believe that when I don’t get sick” as she edges further and further from me.  I would feel really horrible if I gave this to anyone.  D gave it to me, and as of Saturday night, he had been sick for eleven days and was still feeling cruddy.  And he only had the flu portion of it.  I’d kick his ass, but I don’t have the energy and he’s in New Mexico right now.  My legs aren’t that long, hahaha.  I’m a dork.

My aunt and uncle who live in Reno had a house fire.  My uncle got home, opened the garage, and saw that the furnace was on fire.  My aunt and cousin were in the house and had no idea there was anything wrong.  So my uncle got them out, called the fire department, and the fire was put out.  They discovered that the fire had gone under the flooring and into the foundation which is pier and beam.  One of the beams was still on fire, so they got that put out.  So there’s structural damage to the house which is being repaired, and because it was the furnace, they have no heat.  It’s very cold there, and the insurance company provided space heaters.  Space heaters???  Uh no, I’d call it “loss of use” and move into a hotel until my furnace was fixed.  Anyway, they carry their little space heaters from room to room with them, and they’re using the fireplace, but that doesn’t heat the whole house.  My aunt went to Austin to help with my grandmother though, so she’s at least out of the house.

My sister and brother-in-law were driving to Bartlesville from Austin, which is like a ten hour drive or something, on Saturday (which is when I was supposed to come too, but I didn’t make it until yesterday), and they spun out on the ice on Price Rd., which is like the last little bit of road you have to drive on before getting to my Oklahoma grandparent’s house.  Jason’s truck is totaled.  They didn’t hit anyone else, and nobody was hurt, but the truck is fucked up.  The bed has pulled away from the cab in kind of a “V” shape.  There were two other signs that the frame was bent, but I don’t remember what they were.  So they’re spending today trying to buy a new truck so they can get home in a few days.  They were looking at the Tahoe hybrid, but it’s like $50K, and that makes Kim sick to her stomach.  But they need a big truck or SUV to pull their boat, so it’s not going to be cheap.  It doesn’t have to be 50 grand though.

So I think we’ve had enough shitty stuff happen for one holiday season, don’tcha think?  I’m ready for some good times.  Or a margarita, whatever.  At some point today, I need to get out of this bed and to a mall to pick up a couple of last minute wee gifts.  I will spread my Christmas sick all over Bartlesville, yay.  I just might find a margarita then.  I think I want a raspberry one.

Friday with Shana and Tony was fun.  We hung out and drank pretty much all day, but it was that paced drinking where you just barely get a buzz.  I don’t know that I ever even got buzzed.  Anyway, we played Guitar Hero with Munchkin when he got here for the night.  Shana and Tony had never played, so we had virgins.  I think Shana liked it more than Tony.

So that was all good, and I felt fine yesterday.  My skating people came over last night which was exactly what I wanted so that I could get as bombed as I wanted without having to have somebody drive me home or sleep somewhere besides home.  I had appetizer stuff plus beer, vodka, gin, and wine.  I was drinking vodka to hopefully avoid a hangover.  We did do the Jagerbomb shots, and they are truly gross.  They taste like Vick’s Cough Syrup.  Freaking nasty!  I was doing okay, but was definitely drunk until we decided to do vodka shots.  After that, I was just pissed out of my mind.  Urgh … there is stuff in my room that I don’t remember taking up there, and I couldn’t find my cell phone until I called myself.  It was on the foosball table.  I have zero recollection of even going in that room.  None.

So the first time I woke up this morning, I felt okay, but with a headache which I don’t usually get off vodka.  I’ll get a stomachache from the juice, but I didn’t have that.  The second time I woke up, I was laying there thinking, “Don’t puke, please don’t puke.”  That’s just not a good sign.  Bloody hell.  About ten minutes later, I was puking.  And then I threw up again.  And then I decided I really needed to let the dog out, so I went downstairs.  I thought the barfing was over, but no, not so much.  I finished my barf-fest around one o’clock.  Food is out of the question at the moment, like even breakfasty food which is always awesome when you’re hung over.  I’m drinking Sprite, and it’s staying down for now.  I just can’t believe I got so drunk that I threw up.  I haven’t done that in years!  In fact, that was the last major barf event, with the “apple juice isn’t food with Vicodin” incident as the breaker of the streak in between then and now.  So long story short, I’ve thrown up twice this year, and I never never never puke.  And I apparently only puke when I’m very drunk or too stupid to realize what actually qualifies as food.

So for today, I haven’t moved from the couch or taken a shower or anything like that.  That’s right, I’m disgusting.  Spike in Notting Hill has nothing on me today.  Anyway, the few times I’ve gotten up that didn’t involve throwing up again, I have felt like total crap.  Maybe I should eat something.  Kind of scary though!!!

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