skating


I was unfaithful to my hairdresser today.  Unfortunately, my hairdresser is also one of my best friends.  We’ve had our share of trouble getting my blonde just right, and I finally couldn’t take it anymore.  The back-breaker was when I lifted the top section of hair to blow dry the bottom and noticed striping.  That’s just not okay.  I’m very picky about my hair, and I can’t take that kind of screwed up shit.  If she sees me before I leave town again, I’m going to say D made me do it before the competition because my roots were so bad.

Which leads me to the competition.  We did the Edward G. Picken Pro-Am in Reston, Virginia.  Leading up to it, I kept hearing about how the judges were super-tough and we probably wouldn’t do well since we come from somewhere besides D.C. and aren’t used to their standards and it was going to be a bloodbath for us, blah blah blah.  Nothing like confidence-boosting.  D’s other adult that was going and I were in tears every day, ready to quit the whole sport since we apparently suck and shouldn’t be allowed on the ice with these magical East Coast skaters and all that crap.  Oh, also there would be eleventy billion of them, so we might as well get used to the fact that we were going to come in eleventy billionth.  I was in the car with D when he was on speakerphone with a former student who was talking about all this and asking if he had prepared us for this massacre.  Fucking awesome.  She’s so not my favorite right now.

So that’s the mindset I went to Virginia with.  Oh, and on top of that, the other adult D was taking has tested a level above me but since she hasn’t completed the level, she was allowed to compete at my level as well as hers.  So I figured she would come in second to last and I would be dead last.  When we got there, we found out there were only four of us competing at our level, but that they had had to combine age divisions to get that many.  So we were competing against younger people on top of everything else, but at least there weren’t very many people.  But still, as D would say, fuck me in the gonads.  Needless to say, I was rather unpleasant to be around.  I was going to come in fourth out of four and have some eighteen year old kick my ass.

We finally got to competition day, and I guess I was so resigned to losing that I was pretty relaxed during the practice session that morning.  D was pleasantly surprised by that – the relaxed part, not the resigned part.  When we got to the rink that afternoon for the actual competition, they were running behind schedule, so there was a lot of sitting around waiting.  Then I stood around.  Then I stretched for a bit.  Then I sat some more.  Then I said to fuck with it and put my skates on just for something to do.  Then I stood around some more.  Dude, that is a crazy maker!

Once our warm-up started, I got nervous.  Skating is a funny sport.  When you’re nervous, your knees don’t bend anymore, and if there’s one thing you need to skate, it’s knee-bend.  This always happens to me in test sessions, and then I really freak out and my legs shake.  It wasn’t as bad as my last test though.  I didn’t try to jump over the glass and escape the arena.  Anyway, I had to skate first, so I went straight from warm-up to performing.  I felt like my ChaCha was okay – there was stuff I’d have done differently if I’d been thinking straight, like put my head where it was supposed to be on the end pattern, but at least I wasn’t looking down.  For once.  My Fiesta Tango was pretty gross.  I screwed up the turn both times.  It was a nervous and scrapy turn.

I got to see the other skaters go, and at the end I felt like I had a decent chance for third place because the fourth girl was very very very nervous and it made her have giraffe legs and just overall she wasn’t very good (and now I’m going to hell).  I didn’t say anything to D about it and he didn’t say anything to me.  We went over the corrections (actually I told him what I wanted to fix, and he agreed), and then I changed into street clothes and went to Starbucks.  When I was in ballet, when you were done, you changed and left.  No big deal.

It’s apparently different in skating … while I was gone, I missed the scores going up.  It’s not like on TV where you sit in the little area (I REFUSE to call it “kiss and cry”.  That’s fucking absurd) and somebody announces them.  They print them out and post them on the wall.  I wasn’t even planning on looking at the scores – my original plan was to treat this like a recital and not worry about placement since it was my first competition and all that.  But since I thought I maybe had won third place, I went and checked.  D was on the ice with L and M getting ready for their stuff on Saturday, so I didn’t have anyone to help me read them.  It was very confusing since I skated first, and I kept showing up first, so I thought that that explained my name being up top on both dances.  The scores were done in ordinals, so you could see your placement from each judge.  That just confused me more.  Mine looked like this: 1 1 1 1 1 2 2 2 2 and 1 1 1 1 1 2 3 11.  I finally found a skater from Dallas to help me read the things, and she told me I won.  WTF???  And there was no-one to hug because they were all still on practice ice.  So I went to watch the rest of the day’s events.  When it was over, I found D.  He said, “Did you see the results?”  I said yes, and he said, “Here you go” and he handed me my medal.  I said Judge number 7 was clearly not a fan of mine.  Then we went back to the hotel and had sex.  I’m sure you wanted to know that!

Anyway, later on, he kept asking if I had called my parents, so I finally did.  My mom asked if there had been a medal ceremony.  Um, oops, yeah there had been, but I was at Starbucks.  I MISSED my damn medal ceremony!  It hadn’t even dawned on me that there had been one.  I was pretty appalled, but D said it’s no big deal at stuff like this – most people miss theirs.

So here’s how everyone else did:  In that same Pre-Bronze event, D’s other adult came in second.  She won her Bronze event, and she came in fourth out of 13 in the Open Willow Waltz event.  I was supposed to be in that too, but when I screwed up my knee, we pulled out.  Little M (she’s ten years old and has been dancing for just a couple of months, but she does do freestyle) came in fourth out of ten in her Pre-Bronze event and seventh out of eleven in her Bronze event which was really good because it was skating up a level for her and most of the girls in it should’ve been up a level or two.  D said that that age group gets really fucked up because girls won’t test until they find partners even if they are way beyond that level.  So we did pretty well.  D was happy with us.  It’s good for him too because it gets his name out there as a coach.

While I was there, the baby that my sister and brother-in-law are adopting was born.  The birth parents have signed the relinquishment papers and all that, so we’re in the waiting period with all the legal crap.  They should have the baby home by next Friday, but as Jason said, nothing has gone exactly as they’ve said it would, so who knows?  But they’re for sure getting her, so I’m an auntie now!  Yay!!!  Kim and Jason have been with the baby, and they met the birth parents and grandparents and all that.  The dad was having a little more trouble than the mom with the decision, but he said after he met Kim and Jason, he felt really good about it.  He was starting to scare everyone before that though.  My mom’s in Austin with them waiting out the waiting period.  They’re getting the nursery ready and all that.  I sent a box of clothes and diapers and other random baby stuff yesterday.  When Munchkin gets back from camp (he leaves Monday), we’ll go down there too.  The baby should be there by then for sure!

P.S. I’m having trouble with the ding-dang spell checker again.  Sorry for my oopses!

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Is that even how you spell “jinx”?  I guess I’ll find out when I spellcheck which will render this sentence totally useless.  I’m hoping my ridiculously long absence will make you so happy to read anything I have to say that you won’t care if my sentences are tossers.  Heh.  Even Stephen King doesn’t have such luck.

Anyway, what I’m afraid of jinxing (is that a word?) is the house situation.  D and I found a house we both love in NM, and I had a realtor come by today (yep, on Mother’s Day.  I never said I was a nice person) to look at my house.  She wants to price it $20K above my best hopes.  Apparently tricking out the kitchen will pay off.  We’ll see, but I was pretty damn stoked.  She seemed to be too – I did a lot of upgrading to this house which just about excited the pants off her.  It’s good because the market in NM is much pricier than in TX.  I’m going to lose 1,000 square feet for a similarly priced and optioned house.  It sucks!  Texas is lovely in that way – everything is dirt cheap here.  I’m not sure where NM gets off pricing the way they do since I personally feel they’re the fourth worst state (1. NJ, 2. Miss, 3. Nev, and 4. NM – just my opinion and it’s based on the fact that people in my family are from these places and can tell you so.  Or in the case of NM, I’ve lived there and I know it’s a shithole.  We haven’t lived in Mississippi though.  They’re on my list because of their poverty and educational problems.  Sorry if I’ve offended, but honestly, if you’re from one of these places, then you of all people should know what a cesspool suckfest you live in).  I think NM sucks because it’s brown brown and more brown.  If you like rocks and dead looking plant-like things, go live there.  You’ll be very happy.  Also they have a state income tax and yet they still tax the groceries.  Texas doesn’t have a state income tax and we still don’t pay tax on food.  WTF?  The schools suck in NM and the drivers are all insane.  When I lived there before, they all went about ten miles below the speed limit.  It was like everyone was stoned.  They’re all on crystal meth now and they’ll blow by you going 90 in a 45.  Stupid fuckers.  And yet, I’m choosing to move there.  So I’m not allowed to complain about it anymore.  I’ll make fun, but I won’t bitch.  Yeah right!

I have a competition this coming weekend, so I won’t be around AGAIN.  It’s craptacular because I’m not online reading anyone else’s stuff or writing my stuff.  I feel pretty disconnected, but once things settle down and I’m not the traveling queen … well, it’ll be better someday!

Apparently when you go out of town, you’re supposed to let the neighbors know so they don’t think your corpse is rotting in your house.  Oops, my bad.  Long story short, I now know my across the street neighbors.  I didn’t know they watched my comings and goings so closely, but they were like, “Yeah, we normally see you come and go, so when we didn’t for so long, we got worried.  And plus, we know you’d never let your yard go like this, so we thought something was really wrong.”  Heh about the yard.  It looked so bad when I got home, and I had another nasty note from the HOA with the threat of a fine if I don’t hurry up and fix it.  So I spent today fixing it.  Or at least a fourth of it.  I still have a ways to go.  The yard guy comes Saturday though, so I’ll water Saturday night and then spread the weed killer/fertilizer I got today on Sunday morning.  That’s how the Lowe’s guy said to do it anyway.  I also got this nifty tool for pulling weeds but managed to break it already.

My trip was good.  The ice in Albuquerque is super hard and I don’t like it.  D’s mom said if I can skate on it, then I can skate on anything.  That’s good news since the ice in Reston is supposedly shit.  Don’t get a literal vision of that if you can help it.  She’s also fixing my dresses.  One needs altering and all of them need stones.  All I had were clear Swarovskis, but she said to use the colored ones.  Luckily she has like eleventy billion of them from stoning D’s costumes back in his competitive days.

We saw “The Ruins” while I was there.  Don’t bother.  It wasn’t at all what I expected.  I thought it would be more adventure-y, but it was kind of a gore-fest.  We also hiked a trail that I used to go on when I lived there, but since it’s still kind of cold none of the pretty stuff has bloomed.  The most interesting thing on the trail was the sheer amount of dog shit.  I was kind of shocked.  You would think that the kind of people who hike trails would be the kind of people who would know to pick up their dog’s crap.  Ew.  We also went shooting one day.  I sucked so much ass.  My targeting was okay, but it was taking me about twenty minutes between shots.  It got so bad that D finally unloaded the gun and had me shoot it dry to get my comfort level back up.  Then on my last clip of the day, I pulled the trigger and nothing happened.  So with the gun still pointing downrange (VERY IMPORTANT), I turned my head and said, “It’s not working” and then the damn thing shot.  I still hit the target, but not where I intended.  So I learned if you think the gun isn’t working, take your finger off the trigger.  I’m a dumbass who shouldn’t be allowed to handle weapons.  D said it happens to everyone though.  Somehow that failed to make me feel better.  Oh, he got his other AK-47 yesterday and shot it today.  He’s more in love with it than he is with me.  That’s okay, I’m secure in the knowledge that there are things I can do for him that a gun can’t.  Though if he says anything about a gun is better than sex again …

Okay, I have Big Brother After Dark on, and we’ve been watching Adam read a bible for like forty minutes.  Oh for Pete’s sake, if there’s nothing going on in the house, put together some footage from when there was interesting stuff going on and let us watch that.  What I want to know is why I haven’t changed the channel.  Ah, it must be that dumbass thing happening again.  I is smrt.

I’m writing this down here so hopefully I’ll remember to do it later, but I need to write about my child’s latest escapade and the weird ass dream I had while in New Mexico.

I’m going to Albuquerque tomorrow to meet The Parents.  Scary scary scary!  I have to get on a plane too.  And one to come back as well, to which my mom said, “If you freak out and can’t get on the plane to come home, please remember that you aren’t stranded and you can rent a car.”  I’d rather fly than drive this one though.  It takes forever and there are long stretches between civilized areas.  It’s like you’re driving through the set of every Lifetime “Woman in Trouble” movie ever made.  So yeah, I’d rather be afraid for two hours than for twelve.

I started with both of my new coaches this week.  J is one I’ve had before – he would sub when D was out of town.  Nick is new to me, and he’s fun.  He’s very complimentary towards me, and he told the head coach, Pierre, that I have self-esteem issues and I’m too hard on myself.  Duh … but anyway, it’s all working fine.  I still miss having D as my coach though.

Well, that’s a short entry, but really, nothing else exciting is going on here.  Oh yeah, except for this.  My sister’s in Hawaii, but when she gets back, I’m going to KICK HER ASS.  She knew about me and Man-Friend, but I hadn’t told my parents yet.  No need now as she did it for me, which is why my mom knows I’m going this weekend and was able to say what she said up there ^.  Bitch is going down.  Seriously, why did she feel the need to do that?  I was gonna tell them when I was good and ready.  It wasn’t her place.  I’m so pissed!!!

Before I start the update, I have a story.  I busted my ass yesterday on backwards crossovers.  Again!  I hadn’t fallen in around three months, so I figure I was due.  It was the same thing it always is – I brought my toe in too close to my heel, and the blades hit, and splat.  And these are dance blades.  There is no fucking tail on them, so I’m bringing everything in really close to be able to hit.  Dude, it hurt so fucking much.  I think I hit bone.  So yeah, my ass still hurts today and I’m sitting and walking funny.  I’m gimpy.  Miss Emily was cracking up.  I’m not sure why it amuses all the coaches so much when I fall.  My hope is that I usually look graceful or something, so when I fall it’s unexpected and laughable.  I’m sure that’s the opposite of true though.

Anyway, here’s the update.  We all went out on Saturday night for Man-Friend’s good-bye party.  I had a horrible stomachache beforehand, but was fine once we got going.  We went to a country bar to see this guy play that J likes.  He was good.  I realized that I had seen them once before with these guys, but it was before M-F and I got together.  We hung out with everyone for a while, and then went off on our own so we could just sit and be together.  It was nice.

Later, our Russian friend, S, told me, “You know he likes you, right?”  I was like, yeah, I know.  Then he goes, “You know he more than likes you, yeah?”  So I dragged S off to get more information which really just consisted of me telling him that I more than like M-F as well.  He was telling me that M-F is a great guy and all that, but I already know that too.  So we went back over to everyone else and S tells M-F that he thinks we should just get married already and start having puppies.  Oh my God.

The last song the band played was a slow one, and we danced.  Neither of us normally dances seeing as how we’ve always been choreographed for (my background is actually ballet), but we did it.  I’m telling you, it was the single most romantic thing I’ve ever done in my life.  I was completely melty.  It was all those things you hear, like it felt like we were the only two people there even though we were periodically jostled and all that stuff.  I’m not at all a romantic person, but I was oozy mush.

We ended up staying at J and L’s since they live a lot closer to M-F than I do.  We didn’t get much sleep for a few reasons that I won’t get into since I’m not tacky that way, ha, but key among them was that I had to have him home by 6:30 at the latest since his dad wanted to hit the road.  It was so hard to drop him off.  I was like, “Fuck this shit, I’m kidnapping you.”  He said they’d know where to find him anyway.  I was kind of glad his dad wasn’t out there because my hair was a disaster.

Driving home was awful.  I was crying and my hair was all crazy, so I had to look freshly released from the nuthouse.  I went back to bed when I got home.  Around the time I woke up, he woke up from sleeping in the car and we texted the rest of the day.  Then we talked on the phone that night.  That seems to be our routine now.  It’s a good thing I switched to unlimited texting!

Monday in stroking class, J and I did nothing but talk about M-F.  Seriously nothing.  It was bad.  We’re so sad though!  M-F said it sounded like a wake.  It felt like one too.  But J told me something interesting.  He goes, “Did he tell you he told his parents about you?”  No!!!  No, he did not tell me that!  Apparently his dad didn’t say much about it, but he’s generally quiet anyway.  His mom was excited though.  Hee!  He still hasn’t told me that though.  He’s so funny about that stuff. 

I think we’ve thoroughly hashed out M-F’s inability to express his feelings unless super-drunk, but he did tell me before he left that he does like me and that he would miss me.  Today I got a text that said, “I miss u”.  So sweet!  It means a lot to me for him to say it because he won’t say stuff like that very often.  So when he does, I think he really means it – it’s not auto-pilot.  I miss him too.  I have at least one crying jag a day, to which he says that I don’t need to be sad because I’ll see him again in less than three weeks.  It needs to go by much much much faster because this sucks ass. 

So for now, I’m trying not to eat my way through this.  I still have accomplished nothing around here, and in fact, my house is far dirtier than I’ve ever seen it.  The dog ate a hockey puck the other day, and there’s little bits of vulcanized rubber all over the place.  My OCD ass does not care at the moment.  I’m coachless this week other than for classes, so I’ve been a bit lazy with the skating as well.  I start with the new coaches on Monday, and I won’t be able to miss any days during the week because I now have either coaching or classes scheduled for everyday.  That should help!  Hopefully I won’t bust my ass again before I go to New Mexico. 

My grandparents are pretty excited about the place they looked at this weekend.  Their plan is to go back today and put down the deposit and all that good stuff, so it looks like they’re moving here.  Now my sister will be the only one in Austin and she’ll have to come here for holidays, haha sucka!!!  I hadn’t even thought about the new non-traveling holiday bonus until now, but that rocks my socks right off.  I’ll still have to go to Oklahoma to see my other grandparents, but this is pretty fucking awesome.

D has a list of stuff he wants to do in Dallas before he leaves on the 15th.  One of those things is the Dallas Aquarium.  I’ve never been there, so we’re going tomorrow.  I’m really excited about the predators exhibit.  Big mean fish are cool as long as the can’t eat me.

We’ve finally nailed down dates for my first trip out to Albuquerque, so I’m going to make my travel arrangements.  Which, of course, includes the plane tickets, VOMIT!!!  I’m so not happy with the hotel situation there.  It seems that the only rooms with microwaves in the city are suites.  All the rooms have refrigerators, so I’m like, “How fucking hard is it to stick a little microwave on top of that?”  Not hard, people!  I’m going to be there for five days, so believe me when I say I have to have a microwave.  On top of that, to make this remotely affordable, I’m going to have to stay in a gaggy Best Western.  I’m a little bit of a spoiled hotel snot, so yeah, this isn’t good.  It’s the opposite of awesome.  If I can hear the people next door smoking crack and having wild monkey sex, I’m gonna throw poo at them (damn, I am classy!).  Unfortunately, I just can’t pay a grand for a hotel stay when I have to go out there at least three times.  The suck thing is that it’s still going to be like $500.  Ack!!!  Then I have to pay for dog boarding, ice time, lessons, and a rental car.  I better take the X-Box with me for entertainment and whore myself out for alcohol.  Luckily you can get drunk really fast at altitude, so I’d probably only have to blow the guy.

My grandparents are coming into town tomorrow to check out another retirement place.  My grandfather was ready for this move a long time ago, but my grandmother is reluctant.  I don’t blame her – I would HATE this.  That said, I think it’s the right thing to do.  My grandfather has macular degeneration and is going to need lots of help, and my grandmother has her health issues as well (they’re both over 85 years old).  They’ve just been so independent for so long that it’s got to be hard to face this.  Anyway, we’ll have a dinner thing tomorrow night at my aunt’s house and another one on Sunday at my parent’s house.  On Saturday they’re going to check out the place.  It’s not like a retirement home per se.  It’s like condos with different levels of assisted living.  Personally, I think it’s pretty fucking depressing even if it does need to be done.  I don’t want to die, but man, I don’t want to be ooolllddd.

My Saturday will be more fun than theirs I think.  I’m going to a dinner party with a bunch of skating people.  The party is being given by one of the adult skaters for a friend of hers who is in town.  Most of the people there are going to be pretty old (and by that I mean relative to our group – these people are in their 50s and we’re not).  So when things die down, we’re going to come back to my house for a real party, yay! 

Sadly, at my own party I can’t really drink much because on Sunday, I’m going shooting again.  I don’t think I’d do well hungover.  D and I were trying to figure out what kind of gun I would use this time, but we failed.  We’ve decided to just wait and see what they have.  All I know is I wasn’t thrilled with the XD, but I have no frame of reference, so what do I know?  He asked me what I didn’t like, and I said the noise and the kick.  He goes, “Well, that’s kind of going to be all guns.”  Oh.  I guess I have to get used to it then. 

So that’s my upcoming weekend in a nutshell.  Tomorrow is going to suck, I can tell already.  I only have seven lessons left with D, and I’m starting to get just sick about it.  It’s funny because everyone at the rink tries to put such a happy face on it – like, “Oh, Nick’s going to be your new coach?  You guys are going to look great together because you’re both tall and blonde” – that was the lady who’s having the party on Saturday.  For the record, while I am blonde, I’m not tall.  I’m just tall compared to most ice dancers.  A bunch of other people have told me that I’ll have lots of fun with Nick, which I know is true.  He’ll also be picky like D which is good.  I just don’t know if he’ll be as picky, but he better be!  I’m a perfectionist, but if my coach isn’t looking for it too, I’ll slack off.  I’m lazy like that.  That’s why J isn’t going to be my dance coach.  He looks for “good enough for an adult” (that’s not actually a quote from him, but he has more than once said that we don’t have to live up to the same standard as the kids.  Well, duh, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive for it).  That just doesn’t fly with me.  Anyway, I’m glad this whole coaching question is taken care of because I had four coaches approach me today.  Sorry guys, it’s done!  I’d still move back to fucking New Mexico in a heartbeat if it were at all feasible though.  This sucks a great big ass!!!

Random thought of the moment:  I would love an omelette.  I’d want it to have bacon, tomatoes, mushrooms, and peppers.  Then I’d cover it in salsa.  On the side, I’d like pancakes with LOTS of syrup.  The irony of this random thought is that I weighed this morning and I only have three pounds to go, so of course after skating today, I did nothing but stuff my face.  I ate an entire bag of Pirate’s Booty.  An entire fucking bag, are you kidding me with this shit?  I also had two oatmeal raisin cookies, countless Reese’s mini peanut butter cups (I think it was a total of 12, jeezus), Starbucks, two big bowls of cereal, normal oatmeal, and yogurt.  I feel like I ate something else too, but I can’t think of it.  You may notice a lack of veggies there.  Oops, my bad.  The only proper meal that I ate was the oatmeal and yogurt at breakfast.  Everything else was very snacky.  Hopefully I’ll do better tomorrow, but I think sometimes you need a day of really crappy eating.  And you know what?  I could still eat some more today.  Yee-ikes!

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