Or perhaps I just became a Longaberger home consultant.  Yep, either way, I drank the Kool-Aid.  God help me.  I’m also an Arbonne consultant, and I imagine that the Longaberger thing will work the same way – my customers will be me, my mom, and my sister.  Why branch out and actually try to make any money?  Personally, I like to come in last in all sales, goals, etc.  That way, some woman who really does give a shit but who sucks ass at sales can come in second to last.  That’ll make her day.  See what I do for people?  Surely this will get me into heaven (assuming I’m forgiven for conspicuous consumption of baskets and eye cream).

We had our Fakesgiving this weekend (lots of people thought I was Canadian when I told them about our early Thanksgiving, but no, I am not – theirs was a week earlier).  It was actually lots of fun.  The food was beyond awesome. 

Besides stuffing myself silly, I got to go to two parties.  One was Friday night, and was at my sister’s house.  It was Game Night with Jason’s friends.  I played this game on the PS3 which involved being an amoeba and eating stuff.  It was very relaxing.  The second party was the Halloween party which we dressed up as geishas for.  I have pictures but haven’t put them on the computer yet.  Actually, I haven’t loaded the software on the computer, and I can’t do it on my laptop because it doesn’t have a disk reader thingee.  So I’ll have to do it on the upstairs computer, and that’ll take motivation.  I have none at the moment, so eh, maybe tomorrow.

The people who had the Halloween party (I’ll call them Jim and Andrea) were really into Halloween.  There wasn’t a surface in their house untouched by a decoration.  They also made a haunted house in their garage.  After many arguments, I finally got Kim to agree to go in it with me.  Andrea told us, “You don’t control the flashlight.  It controls you.”  I had no idea what she meant until we got in there and our light would randomly shut off.  We’d keep walking, the light would turn back on, and we’d be surrounded by heads hanging from the ceiling (or arms or what looked like police batons.  I’m not sure what the fear factor is there, unless you happen to be like me and have an irrational fear of cops taking you to prison where you won’t have access to tweezers.  Unacceptable!)  We laughed and laughed through the whole thing.  Well, it was more like we’d scream, then laugh, then scream, then laugh again.  By the time we went through, we’d also met most of the people at the party so we knew who it was jumping out at us.  That kept the freaking out to a minimum.

Anyway, Andrea the hostess was really nice but also very odd.  She took me and Kim into her office and showed us all these pictures of herself when she was younger and 50 pounds lighter.  Kim said that Andrea always does this.  She gets drunk, and then it’s like “Glory Days”.  The pictures were beautiful though.  She could’ve been a pin-up girl in the forties.  She had that kind of face and figure.  I also saw a picture of Andrea’s mother who apparently was a Bond girl back in the day, but I can’t figure out who she was.  I only saw one picture of her and it was dark, but I gotta say, she was stunning.  Kim also said that Andrea doesn’t like going to other people’s houses.  She’ll have all the parties in the world at her own house, but if she has to go to someone else’s house, she won’t talk.  At all, which was shocking to me because she talked ninety to nothin’ at her own party.  She went up to the guest room at Kim’s house and slept during one of my sister’s parties.  I was like, “Why go then?”  I mean, if you don’t want to go, and you’re going to pull a dumbass stunt like that, then just don’t go.  I asked Kim if Andrea felt bad that night or something, and she was like, “No, that’s just what she does.  She’s weird.”

I managed not to gain any weight over the weekend.  I’m not sure how, but yay.  Today I discovered a new drink at Starbucks.  It’s just a regular ol’ Caffe Latte (soy, of course), but it saves me 80 calories of flavored syrup.  It’s not bad at all.  I put a couple of Splenda packets in it after I tried it, but I could’ve had it without.  I was just in the mood for something sweet.  What I’d really like is some candy corn, but that’s not gonna happen.  There’s not any in the house, and I’m not going out!

Okay, it’s laundry time.  Maybe I’ll install that software while I’m up there.  We’ll see!


Stuff I can’t find:

1. My water.  I’ve misplaced it.  Once upon a time, I drank Diet Big Red constantly.  I used to lose those all the time too.  So the water isn’t special or anything.  I think it’s upstairs, and since I’m doing this right now, I don’t want to go up there and look for it.

2. The drill.  This is also reason number two of why I don’t want to go upstairs right now.  I have an unfinished project in my bathroom which is where I’m pretty sure I left the water and I don’t want to look at the unfinished-ness.  It’s not even started-ness.  I opened the box that the towel hanger is in, realized I needed a drill, and quit since I don’t know where it is.  “Garage” isn’t good enough.  I don’t want to dig.  I think that means I don’t really want to do the project today either.

Wait, I know where the water is!  It’s on my nightstand.  Mystery solved.  Nancy Drew would be … unimpressed.

3. My sister.  See, Anjelica went into labor last night, and Kim is my pipeline of information.  I can’t find her, hence I have no information.  In fact, since I didn’t check my middle of night emails (no, I don’t really ever do that), I didn’t know that Anjelica had gone into labor until late this afternoon because I was busy all day with the dentist and skating.

4. My right outside edge.  It comes and goes.  Perhaps it’ll come back tomorrow.  That is frustrating!  It was working very well last week though.

So that’s what I have lost for today.

Here’s the dentist story: I broke my nightguard last week.  I split the thing right down the middle of the left side.  Now, I don’t know if anyone but me was like, “wow, that is some awesome grinding and clenching you’re doing”, but I thought it was pretty amazing.  I had ground a bunch of holes into that side, and I guess they weakened it to the point that it just cracked.  Anyway, last Thursday I went to the dentist to get molds made for the new guard, but they called me on Friday to say one of the molds was distorted and we had to redo it.  Since I was in Austin on Friday, it had to wait until today.  In the meantime, I’m destroying my teeth all over again.  I woke myself up in the middle of the night when I ground really hard and my jaw slipped.  The sound was horrific.  Needless to say, I hope they can make this thing really fast.  Oh, it’s a new kind so it’s not supposed to break.  It’s made of a softer material than my old one which was some kind of acrylic or something.  Supposedly, it’s more comfortable as well, but the old one wasn’t uncomfortable so that’s not much of an issue.

Austin was fun.  All the plans we made were shot down by the weather though.  I bought a bathing suit so we could go to the Springs with the dogs, but it ended up being 34 degrees with sleet.  Not exactly tanning weather.  It’s weird, the last three times I went down there, it has rained most of the time I was there.  I control the weather.  Hunh.  Who knew?  Well, if that were true, I’d make it rain here more and then we wouldn’t be in a drought with sprinkler restrictions.  We’re only allowed to water once a week, and only during certain times.

The only problem with Austin was that we ate so much.  I am hugely bloated today, urgh!  So this is a major diet week.  Well, it’s supposed to be.  I have been in the Easter candy today.  The fact that I’ve allowed Easter candy in the house probably shows what a lousy dieter I am.  This is how bad it is:  I have five boxes of Hot Tamales in the secret candy drawer (uh, no wonder I need to lose weight!).  Oh yeah, they’re not wee boxes either.  They’re the big movie size that you get at Target.  Hmmm, I don’t want to put two and two together, but there it is … 

Rich is at a hockey class so I ate cereal for dinner.  My mouth tastes foul right now.  Milk breath.  Enough said.

It turns out that I’m from Pluto.  That figures … it’s not even a planet anymore.  See where you’re from at  I always thought I was from Venus.  Oh well.

Our trip to Granbury and Glen Rose was great.  We left here on a windy Saturday and encountered a dust storm, the likes of which I haven’t seen since I lived in New Mexico.  The wind was shoving my car all over the road, and I was quite happy not to be driving my old Tahoe.  That thing was abused in the wind.

We arrived in Granbury and checked into the bed and breakfast where we were staying.  It was only when we got in that it really hit me that we were basically staying in a stranger’s house.  Kind of weird!  They were really nice and gave us recommendations for places to eat.  We chose a restaurant called “Let’s Eat” which is owned by a man who used to be a chef at the Four Seasons.  Sounds good, right?  Well, let me tell you, the place was a complete dump!  It was in a building that I think was a gas station at one point in life.  The tables wouldn’t be put in most roadside diners.  But he was a chef at the Four Seasons, and Granbury is a lake town, so everything is pretty dumpy.  We decided we’d stay and see what happened.  Well, the place instantly filled up at six when they opened, and there was an immense wait.  Luckily we were there first (we were REALLY hungry) and didn’t have to wait.  The chef arrived and put on some Metallica and got going.  He was clearly enjoying himself!  I ordered a crawfish pasta with sausage and peppers, and Rich got the Beef Tenderloin.  Holy cow, words cannot describe how fantastic this food was!  I seriously could not stop eating mine.  Rich’s tenderloin was melt-in-your-mouth awesome.  Mine was spicy and tender and incredibly good.  Top five meals in my life good.

Anyway, we went back to the B&B and played games in our room.  We didn’t see anyone else, but we knew that all the rooms were full.  Our room was really nice – it was the garden suite, so we had private access to the gardens (duh).  Unfortunately it was cold and windy, so we stayed in.  It was lovely and romantic.

On Sunday morning, we had breakfast at the B&B (hence the second “B”) which was just as good as dinner the night before.  She made Eggs on a Cloud, Apple French Toast, fruit cups, scones, muffins, ham, green beans, and some other things I know I’m forgetting.  It was all fabulous, and I know this because I ate some of everything.  Oh, the coffee was delicious too. 

After we ate and checked out, we went into town to finish shopping (we did a little before dinner on Saturday).  Granbury has lots of antique shops, so we had fun with that.  My favorite game to play while checking out antiques is “Is It Haunted?”.  The answer is yes if the piece is at all ornate.  There is a sliding scale, so the more ornate something is, the more haunted it is.  That seems pretty obvious to me, but Rich doesn’t always agree.  Sometimes he does though!  Every once in a while we’d come across a wardrobe with ridiculous details like a sun god blowing wind, and both of us would be like, “That’s totally haunted.”  (Though he doesn’t really say “totally” since it sounds all Valley Girl, which according to him is what I sound like.  Urgh.)

After shopping, we went to Glen Rose to visit Fossil Rim Wildlife Park.  It was amazing!  The animals come right up to your car, and you feed them the food that you buy from the park.  Some of them have clearly come up with an organized plan for obtaining as much food as possible from each car.  They’ll tag team you and then zig-zag across the road so you have no choice but to stop again lest you whack one with your car.  Then you have to feed them again because they’re staring at you, then nudging you, and then if you don’t respond, they’ll just take the food right from your bag (this happened to my friend Erika, but I never let it get that far – one nudge was enough for me!).  The zebras were positively rude.  I still have zebra snot on the shirt I wore (mainly because I haven’t done laundry yet).  The did the tag team thing and then stuck their full heads in the car, nose to nose with me, and were like, “Give me my damn snack, muthafucka!”  Okay, Mr. Zebra, no problemo.  Very scary.

We ate at the midpoint restaurant which is on a bluff overlooking the whole park.  It doesn’t even look like Texas.  It was just incredible.  I felt like we could be on safari (though a very docile one).  We visited the gift shop, and I got two t-shirts, one of zebras painting all the other animals to look like them (I figured it was because the zebras were going into a line-up for being assholes) and one of the animals mooning us.  I heart tacky tourist t-shirts!  I wear them to skate in.  They’re still not as bad as Luke’s t-shirt which says, “Jump so I can see them jiggle”.  Shocking!  And to think his mother is a coach at the rink.

Like all mini-breaks, I wish it had been longer, but now we have reason to go back.  It really was a good trip.  My munchkin would’ve loved it, so he’ll go next time.  We can’t stay at the B&B with him because they don’t take kids under 16.  That’s fine though.  Even though it was very nice and the food was awesome, it turns out we’re hotel people.  It’s just a little more private, and you don’t have to feel like you’re trampling about somebody’s home, even if those people have opened their home to the public.  Plus this one guest got up super early for coffee and dang, she was l-o-u-d!!!  She also didn’t shut up during breakfast which was too bad because this one other woman seemed like she was an interesting person, but thanks to Mrs. Yappity-Yap, we’ll never know.  It was like when I used to go to the lakehouse with my parents and my mom would get up at the crack of dawn and start clanging pots and pans so we’d have to get up and keep her company.  That sucked, man.  What teenager wants to wake up at six a.m. on a Saturday?  Not me.  And that same me doesn’t want to wake up to a coffee-swilling, story-telling yakker at seven on a Sunday.  Rich woke up and said, “Where is her mute button???”  From the look on her down-trodden husband’s face, I’d say she doesn’t have one.  Poor dude.  I hope I don’t ever do that to Rich!